High Voltage
by ohbillie
Summary: Bella's just moved to west LA, she's nineteen and is trying to independent, with no family around her right now, and making new friends, she strives to work at LA's best tattoo shop whilst also trying to not fall for a fellow tattoo artist.
1. The show

the buzzing was clearly to loud to be anything good, I rubbed the sleep from my face and rolled over and hit the off button to the continuous noise and laid there thinking that one day I'll wake content and it will be where I feel so comfortable that I sleep through the buzzing, infact there will be no buzzing just bliss perfect bliss, of course my thoughts of bliss would be interrupted with more buzzing but this time I was aware it was my phone, I reached it out and flipped it open,

_b, don't forget you need a job asap and just so you know, tattoo shop on La brea avenue west LA are hiring, get your ass there hussy!  
love al._

I couldn't even stop the laughter that came from my throat, there was no doubt that the first morning I wake in LA I get a reminder from Alice to get my work out there, I stretched out and felt my bones click back into place from the night before and my muscles recoil, I rolled off the bed, groaning at the feeling that hit my head when sunlight came through the window, what a little ray of sunshine I am.

-----

I stepped out of the shower to blow dry my hair, Al keeps reminding me ever since I got here exactly 27 hours and 36…wait no, 37 minutes ago that I should cut my hair a little, I refuse to it's nearly at my hips and that alone is a victory maybe even a little happy dance will be in order when I reach there, I could have a party with cake and all.

blah of course I keep getting stuck in my head, once my hair was dry, I put on some light foundation with powder to match, a little bronzer, some liquid eye liner on my eye lids with my unique dot below my left eye, I coated my lips with my killer MAC "lady danger" lipstick, typical I picked that one, I walked over to my suit case and pulled out my white lace Alice in the eve dress, black tights with zips on the heel, silk bow flats and a leather jacket, I look up to the mirror and chuckled, I always seem to look like I'm heading to a tea party which is quite the opposite if you saw me, from head to toe I'm ink and metal, and I don't know how I would deal any other way.

I scrolled for the address Alice gave me in my phone, I grabbed my black studded Alexander Wang bag from the counter and headed out the door, it wasn't a far walk. I knew the way once I asked the various locals, way to make it obvious how much of a newby I am, I had a map and all but it's okay, it's on my phone so I can conceal the inner geek in me.

I entered the tattoo shop and took a look around, it was everything you could possibly want an so much more, the walls were covered of art from different eras, the furniture was clearly from a different time and the light boxes seemed to even shine so much brighter here, I knew as soon as I saw it, I was meant to work here, I was meant to sketch, feel and shade pieces on clients skin here, I knew which station I wanted before I even took another step, third one to the left.

the inner geek and inner child in me were having a raging war over to how to react, clearly If I were at home, there would be some Madonna on right now as I ran on the spot, but the more suitable, public me headed to the counter and smiled to the dark blonde shaggy hair boy in front of me whose blue gray eyes widened as he took my form in, I guess the apparent tea party I dressed for this morning was making him more confused then anything, he quickly changed his expression from shock to wonder as I scanned his features he seemed even more gorgeous then I thought he originally was.

"hey…welcome to high voltage how can I help you? You have an appointment…"  
his voice grew high at the end and I stood in silence, well actually in awe at the fact he just asked if I wanted anything done, I honestly didn't know if there was any room left  
"…are you a walk in?" another question he asked, I guess the time had past and it had been a few minutes.

"No.." I smiled "I'm wondering about that sign out front the one with the electric bolt and the nifty little old English script font size three, two toned sketching and I was just coming in here to say I'm your man well your women…well not YOUR women but um…" I was nervous as hell and was looking down and pulling at the ends of my leather jacket.

I heard chuckling behind me and spun around to come face to face with well perfection. His skin was like marble, completely flawless, his eyes topaz but clearly held more emotion then I would ever be capable of feeling, his hair was a cross between bronze and auburn and completely dishevelled and without sounding seriously stalkerish I wanted to run my hands through those locks more then my life depended on it, I tore my gaze away from his face to his arms that were exposed in all there ink glory, various patterns tracing every inch of his arms until the tips of his fingers, he had slight muscle definition but not too much that would change the path of his work with bulging of muscles, it wasn't too much like the rest of him cause honestly he made my heart skip a beat and I swear I was blushing which was embarrassing as all hell, he was taller then me, a fair bit taller, I nearly came right there if it wasn't for the throat clear coming from blonde boys direction, I whirled around and plastered on a small smile

"so your wondering about the job? Well I'm jasper and ahh well that's Edward" he said watching me for some sort of reaction that he was hoping to get out of me.

"Y-yeah hey yeah I'm Bella it's nice to meet you both" I smiled and I turned back around to Edward to greet him as well but he was gone so I just faced jasper again waiting for something more.

"did you bring a folio of your pieces? Just so we know if you're the shit or not" his lip curled up into a smirk as his playful eyes traced over my body

"oh fuck yeah here" I said passing him the folder and shaking my head at the fact that today I seemed to be a complete air head to everything around me

"thanks, so I'll get you to write down your contact details just on this piece of paper and we'll be in contact soon, and hopefully get you set up if you're the man as you say for the position" I cocky smirk spread across his face and I had to resist from rolling my eyes at his attempt to make me embarrassed, I grabbed the paper and quickly wrote down my number and name, I handed it back and looked up at him.  
"so have you gotten many others interested in the position?" I asked him hesitantly I fucking hate competition but at the same time I love it for all it's worth

"yeah yeah yeah of course, about 5 guys have come in so far today" he said standing up from his seat and walking around to where I am, I felt like this was his way of saying "goodbye thanks for the joke" so I looked him straight in the eye and told him off the bat what I thought

"I know what your thinking, that I'm just daddy's little girl, being rebellious and is putting war paint on herself to get attention from whoever I can, but I'm not I'm serious about this, I know this is a heavily male dominated profession but I'm sure as fuck better then half the artists out there, no one does portraits the way I do, no one get make colour look as realistic as I can, I've already done this for years and I'm not even nineteen I want nothing more out of life but to put everything important onto someone's skin before they die, I want everyone to be there own personal canvas and your little smirks and judgemental bullshit isn't going to send me packing home to change into hairdressing school or some girly ass bullshit, I sure as hell hold a tattoo gun with a better grip then you have when your wrapping your hand around yourself whilst watching girls gone wild on lonely Friday nights, this place is mad and I know I can make it even better so if your just keeping my folio for shits and giggles then I want it back because the works so good in there that I can make the Mona Lisa melt" I spat out as I felt my eyes narrow and myself stare daggers into jasper as his face was pure shock

"you're hired…" I heard a velvet voice say from behind me and I knew it was Adonis himself who had come back into the room just as I spat out my Rosie the riveter speech.


	2. Here we go again

I was shell-shocked to say the very least, I felt like I was completely out of my skin, utterly confused, I swear my jaw must've hit the floor or something, why would he hire me after that?

"Wait, wait…what? You can't be serious, you haven't even looked in my folio" I said as his eyebrows rose trying to match my facial expression

"well I would certainly hope after that speech and comparing yourself to the Mona Lisa that you would at the very least have a decent folio to show us" he smirked at me, stupid crooked smirk that makes my words jumble.

"How about Jaz here and I take a look whilst you get a coffee or something actually scratch that I doubt you need any caffeine" Edward chuckled as I tried hard not to punch the smirk off his perfect face.

"I'm more of a chai girl anyway" I giggled back, I fucking giggled I'm not even kidding, stupid ovaries, "…so I'll go get a chai and come back and see what you guys think, don't get any shit on my folio or there will be hell to play" I said as I pointed my finger directly at Edward as he held his hands of up in a defensive position

"come back in twenty, we'll have shit figured out by then, it's like fucking judgement day in here with all this tension, but yeah twenty minutes" he said turning away and signalling to jasper to follow as he grabbed my folio off the counter.

I sighed and headed towards the front of the shop to leave pushing the door open and walking down the block to the closest coffee store. Twenty minutes, sounds like years right now.

"chai please, oh and six of those pink vanilla cupcakes too" I asked smiling at the girl in front of me who looked around my age.

-----

"Jasper, Edward" I nodded to them as I walked back into the store, looking over to the gold couches they were seated on, hunched over looking at my folio on the table in front of them, with a guy who looked like he would be no match for Godzilla himself had a toothy grin on him

"I'm Emmet and your work is fuck awesome, I wandered over to see what the boys were talking about and saw your folio, thought it was one of the guys but now I see you all lace and shit and all I can think is I'm fucking terrified what you can do with a needle in your hand but I'd loved to see" he said looking at me with eyes that were glazing over with brightness

I couldn't help but burst out laughing.

"You're terrified of me! You're like three times my size you could hold me in one hand if you really wanted to" I said, turning my attention to Edward who was gazing at me, he turned his attention else where once he realised I had caught him.

"we, ah looked at your folio as Emmet said in some sort of words, we all agreed your work is competition for the Mona Lisa…we just got to ask you some questions kind of like an interview but we want you to be honest about everything none of this trying to make yourself seem like the best candidate alright?" jasper drawled out in a quite prominent southern tone which I wonder how I had missed that when I first came in, I simple nodded waiting for what's next I chucked my bag on the ground and sat on the couch across from them

"how long have you been tattooing? How old are you? Anything else you can do?" Emmet said smiling at me, clearly I had already won him over, one down, two to go

"since I was fourteen, I know Illegal much but I loved it more then anything and no I never even started out tattooing any sort of produce like oranges or melons I skipped that and went straight for skin at the first shop I worked at, I'm nearly nineteen and I finished school last year back in Australia, I can also pierce, I've been qualified to do that since I was like seventeen my piercer at the time offered to train me so I took her up on it and I make a killer pasta bake I think that's the most important fact here" I said as I took a sip of my chai to sooth me as the boys had matching looks of shock on there faces

"your not even nineteen? Fuck we thought you'd be at least 21, ergh okay other then that, your works great, your lines are smooth which is what we've been looking for, I'm kind of wary cause your so young but it's up to the other guys, I'm happy enough to give you a shot, I think it would be a loss on our part if we gave up this opportunity your shading especially with portraits and pin ups is outstanding" Jasper spoke as though he was speaking for all of them, I simply nodded trying to work out what to say to them next.

"we've been looking for a piercer as well for some time if your interested in doing both?" Emmet smiled at me awaiting my answer

"I'd love to, piercing is nearly important to me as tattooing, I had to wait till I was sixteen to get my nose pierced and since then I've built on to it so I love to help others do the same" I was beaming right now, inner child in me was slowly sneaking out through the cracks of my façade.

"sweet alright, well when can you start?" Edward said, I flinched when I heard him speak, I had completely forgotten he was there he was so quiet for so long I thought he didn't even want me working for them after he saw the folio

"as soon as you need me too" I simply responded, there was no way around it, I needed this job more then it needed me.

"how's tomorrow sound?" they said in unison which made us all crack up laughing, even Edward which surprised me.

"tomorrow sounds perfect gives me time to perfect my lack of testosterone, oh and I got cupcakes if you guys want one?" I said smiling looking back at them I knew straight away that my choice to move here was finally making sense, I just had to keep everything in order, work as much as I can, keep up the smile and I'll get through it, I couldn't let them know that I wasn't all brass knuckles and whity one liners, LA is going to be my backbone for now, whilst high voltage saves me.


	3. Naive

"Alice seriously can't you wake at normal people hours, I'm not adjusted yet for these sunrise calls, well I'll never become adjusted to them but at least I will grow to expect them more" I whined as she slumped down on top of me in my bed, I tried to push her off but my hands were caught underneath her torso "humph" I was pouting now, yes pouting I was resulting to it, I was tired as fuck I didn't sleep until close to 7, thankyou insomniac ways.

"Stop complaining you were the one that specifically said and I quote 'Alice my dearest love of love of friends and greatest one of them all could you please wake me at 10am sharp so I can get ready for my first day of work at a job that you suggested because your always looking out for the best things in life for me' remember that? Well I do and I stuck by it like the great friend I am" Alice said as she held her chin high.

"I don't remember the terms "love of love, greatest one of them all, or me thanking you in anyway, I remember "wake me at 10 bitcheeees" as my only statement I believe you've lied" I said smiling as I looked down at her.

"I didn't lie I just stretched the truth to make you sound like a better person" she said as she bounced off the bed calling "get up before your late sucker, wear something cute to, impress what was it you called him "Adonis himself the man who can make your panties wet faster then light can travel" she snickered as she left my room.

"Bitch" I muttered under my breath as I staggered out of bed on my way to the shower.

once out of the shower I towelled dried my hair then set the straighter on it, making it bounce with loose curls, I did some light foundation, with light pink blush, Smokey eyes, I always do the make up first otherwise I end up dropping foundation on my clothes or wiping the excess eye shadow on what I'm wearing, stupid clumsiness.

I walked over to my draws and pulled out a white sailor looking dress with a cute cut to it, navy blue large bow around the collar, I got my red Bardot little red riding hood winter coat, over the knee black socks, and lace up leather flats, I pushed the door of my wardrobe open to see myself in the full length mirror, outfit check, nerves double check, I sighed and grabbed my black gold chain sportsgirl bag and chucked my phone, paw paw ointment, tynol, granola bar, bag of cookies, and back up make up in my bag, I switched off my light and walked out to find al standing in the kitchen eating cereal and looking me up and down before I smirk spread across her face

"damnnn my foreign friend scrubs up fine" she giggled as her mouth filled with fruit loops

"I'm hardly foreign alice, I'm from Australia, we're practically your twin" I said walking over to the door

"yeah but you'd be the evil one" she said as she looked up at me again, of course I flipped her off as I left.

I walked into high voltage with my chai in hand, outside was freezing and I was glad I had gloves on to keep my hands warm especially since the warmth of my drink came through a little, when I got in I saw jasper at the counter which seemed to be his favourite place in the store, probably safer to keep him at a distance for now, he wasn't forgiven fully yet for undermining me, Edward was at the second station working on some burleys mans sleeve, and Emmett was talking on the phone, I smiled at him as I walked around the counter to jasper placing my coat on the rack.

"goodmorning Bella, your practically booked for piercings for the next two hours and after that Edward wanted to see your draw up of a WW2 pin up girl his doing on a client next week" jasper spoke as he continued to look through the booking pages.

"okay so I have the afternoon to do the sketch and from twelve to two I have piercings booked? Unless there are walk in piercings alright okay well could you show me the piercing room?" I spoke as I looked up at him a little astonished at the fact that I already had been booked for a number of things without being aware until just now.

"fuck yeah come back with me" he said as he dropped his pen and started walking down the hall way, he turned to a black wooden door with a crystallised handle, we walked in, it wasn't huge but it was the size of an average bedroom, a lot bigger then most piercing rooms, the walls were blood red, the lighting came from a chandelier and there was speakers in the corners with an iPod dock set up on a shelf, it was fuck awesome.

"so this is it, over here" he said pointing to two white trolley carts  
"on the left one you have your sterilisers, needles, clamps, spray, creams, gloves and down the bottom is where you put the used needles, and your right side is the bars, balls, dermals, stretchers, you know your usual stuff, can you do dermals? Not every piercer does them" he said clearly a little concerned that he hadn't asked me before

"of course I did my ones that are on my hands and fingers and chest, I prefer dermals they look better, feel better and heal better" I said a little proud that he relaxed when he knew all this

there was a knock at the door and the handle turned, Edwards eyes blazed into mine and I couldn't help but feel my breathing hitch and my heart rate go up a few beats

"your twelve o'clock is here, her names Amy she's the blonde and she's out front" he said and seemed a little agitated as his eyes went from jasper to me and back again

"okay thanks I'm coming out now" I said to Edward smiling hoping to get a smile out of him like I did yesterday, instead he just turned away and walked off, I could hear his footsteps down the hallway.

"thanks for showing me everything jasper I do appreciate it" I spoke to him softly still a little confused with everyone's turn of emotions daily here, we both walked out of the room as I rounded the corner, I saw who I figured was my client standing there fidgeting with her hands

"hey I'm Bella I assume your Amy?" I spoke sweetly assuming that her nerves were taking the best of her right now

"y-y-yeah…hey" she stuttered, I was right nervous as all hell, I gave her a once over and saw that her face was clean from piercings and her hair was up tight revealing only two simple studs in each ear, I could only imagine what she wanted, by the looks over her either her belly button or nose maybe a little adventurous she could go for her lip.

"well what were you wanting to get done today" I headed over the counter as I spoke to her, pulling out some paperwork for her to fill in and grabbing a pen

"I wanted to get my nose pierced on the left side please" she said as she grabbed the clipboard from me and started filling out her details, she showed me her i.d and then I told her to follow me as we walked down the hall to the piercing room, I opened the door for her and told her to take a seat on the table

"you look a little nervous it's alright it doesn't hurt it's just a little sting for two seconds and it's over, it's a simple piercing I promise" I said smiling at her wanting to make her feel as calm as possible

"what colour were you looking at getting?" I said walking over to one of the trolleys and pulling out the tray, placing gloves on, "light blue please" she whispered, I nodded then showed her one I thought she might like, she nodded back at me, I instructed her to lie down as I swiped her nose with an alcohol swab to clean the area

I did a dot on her nose using a fine liner and then pointed to the mirror to checking if she was happy with the placing she nodded and then I told her to lay down and turn her head towards me, "close your eyes and breathe in" I instructed nicely, she did so, "do you want me to count you in or just go whenever" I said holding the needle directly above the spot "whenev…" halfway through her saying it I pushed the needle through, threading the chosen bar in, "all done just have to clean the area your bleeding only a little but that's perfectly normal" I said as I dabbed down her nose and handed her a tissue to wipe her eyes with, telling her she could take a look now she turned to the mirror and smiled

"I love it!" she gasped  
"make sure you try not to play with it, don't put make up near it for a while, spray it twice a day, come back in a weeks time so I can take a look at how it's healing, if you have any problems before then just let me know okay?" I said helping her up from the table, grabbing some spray and handing it to her, we went back out front as I cashed through the piercing and the spray, she thanked me and left.

"I didn't hear any screams Bella barbie so it seems you know what your doing" Emmett's booming voice came from across the shop as he worked on a clients back piece

"the screams were muffled by the chainsaw that's why" I said not even bothering to look up from the booking list as his laughing rang out the shop, next client should be here any minute.

five minutes later, four guys walked in, I was a little confused because four weren't booked only two of them were and no one really needs two extra people with them to urge them on

"hey ahh I have appointment now and so does my buddy jase" he said pointing to his friend who clearly spent to much time tanning and less time getting a personality they were both smirking at me and were clearly eye fucking me from where he was standing, I shuddered as a response.

"hey guys yeah, fill in these forms you can take a seat over there at the couches, I just need to see some i.d first?" as I said this they both pulled out there wallets and showered me there i.d's, I smiled and nodded at the dorky Abercrombie and Fitch like photos, I handed them the clipboards and they took a seat at the couches, I felt someone watching me and turned to see Edward mid setting up his station glaring at the guys from where he was, I laughed internally and walked over to the guys as I felt Edwards eyes direct to my form, I took the completed forms back from them and glanced them over

"jase yeah? So you want your nipple pierced, and alex you want your dick pierced as it says here, your aware that there are multiple types of piercings you can get there so the term "dick" keeps the piercing range a litte to wide open so be more specific so which one will it be?" I said pointing to a model we had next to the couches in a glass case, a little irritated that he was getting a genital piercing and he clearly hadn't looked into it, I heard a light laughter and turned to find Edward standing behind the counter watching me as I grew more irritated by the second.

"whatever feels good for the ladies" alex said as a toothy grin spread across his face as his friends laughed at his comment

"then that would be the Prince Albert which is at the head, girls love it" I heard Edward say with a tone of humour to his voice

"no way get the base done it feels better" I said before actually thinking what I said out loud, I was blushing by now I knew it.

"and what would you know about the way genital piercings feel?" Edward voice was filled with humour as he was pushing me to answer

"I have two of my own for your information and I've been with people who have had them and oh that's right I have clients who I pierce them on" I said starring daggers at him obviously trying to make me blush more or make me embarrassed in front of clients

"so alex what will it be?" I said turning away from Edward

"the base, if it feels good for you baby, maybe when it's healed you can give it a test run" alex said in excitement, i heard Edward growl behind me but I shook it off thinking it was just my imagination, I resisted gagging at his comments, as I told alex to follow me into the piercing room and told jase he would be next.

I told Alex to drop his pants and his remarks and sexual comments seemed to stop as soon as I started setting up the needle and clamps, I smiled a mischievous smile loving the power I had over him at this moment.


	4. Trouble

I honestly felt shitty, I was having a peachy morning until the testosterone boys walked in here like they owned the place, hell I didn't even own the place, and I just worked here. But as soon as the needle slipped through there skin it was like they were twelve again and asking there mom if they could have another cookie from the cookie jar, brass knuckles and all I would've said no and at all the cookies in front of them leaving not a crumb behind.

no complaint here though because they all walked out with their tail between there legs and there eyes cast down, but since then I felt like me again until I turned around and found Edward smirking at me with a face just expressing arrogance and an amused expression focused towards my way.

"So now that's over with you want to do the sketch jasper told you about?" He jerked his thumb in the direction of one of the tables set up with a light box on the end

"Sure" I scowled at him as I walked over to the table and picked up the pictures.  
The client had obviously bought in for inspirations, they were all classic ones with a bit of sass to them, pin ups are my favourite the girls scream sex and at the same time they hold a standard of class.

"The client wants a saucy pin up girl, a bit of a mix of all these ones here" Edward spoke as he rifled through the numerous pictures

"Just play around with these a bit and see what you came up with but the client wants her not to be showing too much but just enough, also for mechanics to be involved some how, as she works on cars with her family" he looked towards me to make sure I understand where he was coming from I simply nodded all my questions had been answered, his eyes were on me surveying my face most likely waiting to see if I had anything to see and after a minute of silence and just glances he stood up to the side a little

"let me know when your done or if you get stuck or something alright?" he said, smirking at me predicting I need assistance to draw, bullshit I didn't need any help to draw ever since I could hold a pencil.

"I won't get stuck, but let me know if you need help carrying around your ego alright?" I said quirking an eye brow at him and smiling a true champions smile, he simply rolled his eyes and left.

I turned my attention to the sketches; I found most of them were of women with gracious figures, plump lips, blonde hair, and cat like eyes, they were real women, like most pin up girls are, glorified housewives in all there beauty.

I pulled out some paper and began drawing, twenty minutes later she was finished and if I say so myself she was beautiful, beyond beautiful even, I couldn't wait to see it on skin and could only hope I was the one who got to put it on it, I gazed down at the drawing once more, blonde curled short hair, curves in all the right places, short as fuck dress, with transparent over the knee stockings that screamed take me on the hood of the Aston Martin Vanquish that she was just so holding on to the tire of, giving the impression that she was servicing the car, and a face that screamed independent women who liked it a bit rough and dirty, she was me if I knew how the mechanics of a car truly worked.

As I turned around to call for Edward I jumped finding him right behind me.

"Holy fuck! Don't sneak up on people, I like my heart rate what it was prior to this sneak attack…" I screamed, throwing my arms in the air for the true girl tantrum effect.

"She's beautiful" he replied, not taking his eyes off the paper on the table, I felt all anger erase as I saw how intense he was looking at my work

"Are you sure?" I asked, a little self conscious even though I knew she was beautiful or even more, it was just the way Edward effected me, he made me feel uncertain about stupid things and then so sure of things that made no sense to me

"YO! EMMETT OVER HERE" Edward turned and called out to Emmett he was up front at the counter, he came over and followed what caught Edwards eye was conveniently my picture.

"Oh shit Rosie will love it, fuck it looks like her a bit as well, it's making me hard just staring at it, Bella Barbie you have to do this on her, please please please please" Emmett pleaded like a little boy, I was confused for one I had no idea who Rosie is and two I didn't know if Edward would allow me to even do it, it was his client after all.

"Whose Rosie? And it's not for my client you big oaf" I interrupted as he trailed off about how great an Aston martin truly is

"Rosalie, Emmett's fiancé and she's now your client" Edward corrected as he picked the piece up and flipped open his phone "Rose will be here in a minute, set up your station" he said pointing to the third station on the left, I felt a smile spread across my face knowing that was the station I first picked out before I even got a job

I got my gun set up, I always preferred a heavier one, the weight felt better and made me feel more in control with the task at hand, I sterilised the area and had everything ready within a few minutes, I heard the door open and closed and turned around to find who I assumed to be Rosalie because Emmet was right she did look like the pin up herself, head to toe of barbie perfection but with an obvious side of viscous to top it off, just the way she held herself you could tell she would wear your balls as earrings.

"Bella Barbie come meet Rosie" Emmett called just as I was pulling the last bottle of ink out, I walked over to them and felt Rosalie's eyes on me the entire time, obviously wondering who the fuck I am.

"Rose, this is Bella, Bella this is Rose my fiancé, my hot as fuck fiancé" Emmett said as he winked at rose who just rolled her eyes

"Hi it's nice to meet you Rosalie, all day I've been hearing Emmett say how hot you are, and Hun you're a babe and a half" I spoke as I was clearly checking her out, everyone broke out in laughter, including Rosalie after a while.

"Nice to meet you too, Emmett said you drew up my pin up, let me see it? I'm finicky as with my tattoos" she spoke as she glanced around the shop obviously trying to find where I placed the sketch

I told her to follow me to my station as I handed her the picture.

"So anything you want me to change about it? Or if you completely fucking hate it, Edward will draw you a new one if you don't like my style" I said to her as her eyes surveyed the picture.

"don't change it a single bit, everything's how I want it, she even looks like me a little" Rosalie said not taking her eyes off the picture but just smirked at instead

"oh thank god, because I really didn't want to change it at all, where did you want her?" I asked, Rosalie looked up and clicked her tongue for a moment.

"I like where your pin up is, on the upper left of your arm" she said casually, I told her to take a seat whilst I cleaned and prepared the area, I made copies of the sketch, and pressed the transparent stencil down on her skin peeling it back to reveal the pin up in place, I held the mirror up to Rosalie to check she was happy with the placing, she had a small smile and nodded.

"Alright stay still, try not to cry" I said laughing at Rosalie's reaction of scoffing and rolling her eyes

"Where are you from?" Rosalie asked as I was doing the outline

"Melbourne, Australia" I said not even looking up as I answered I felt like a robot that same sentence coming out every time someone asked about me

"I've never been there, I want to go though, girls there look hot so do the guys but more so the girls" Rosalie eyed me as she said this and I couldn't help but smirk thinking I was her impression of what Melbourne was like

"how long have you been engaged to the Shrek over there" I nodded towards Emmett he was evidently throwing m&m's in the air and catching them in his mouth, such a kid

"since I was eighteen, so three years ago now" I noticed she smiled whenever Emmett was mentioned or she looked over his way, or when we heard his laughter

"it sounds young but I love him I don't need to look for anyone else, his it for me" she spoke as though she was so sure of it, like her life depended on it, I was jealous.

"How old are you?" she asked as I began the colour on stockings

"eighteen, nineteen next Thursday" I said shading the lace on the upper thigh, she gasped and her eyes widened "you can't be serious! Your so young, I feel perverted for checking you out now" she said, as we both laughed, "don't worry about it, I checked you out first, makes you a cougar if we ever get together" I said casually leaning forward to wipe off the excess ink

"come out with us, do you have a fakey?" she asked and I nodded remember to pack the one I used when I was back home when I was seventeen wanting to get in to clubs "so come out with us tomorrow night, bring a friend if you want, Edward will no doubt bring Tanya" Rosalie rolled her eyes and fake gagged and I couldn't help but laugh, at the same time though I felt a pang in my chest at the mention of Edward and another girl, "we'll go to ONE, we go there a fair bit" Rosalie said casually, I laughed loving how L.A she sounded, "your nearly finished up here, I just need to do a bit of shading around the car and then you're done" I said focusing on the tattoo knowing it had been over two hours and she would soon become exhausted.

I cleaned the excess ink again, as I looked at it once more before telling her to stand up and check it out in the mirror, she walked over with me in toe behind her.

"Holy shit! She's incredibly, thankyou fuck, I can't take my eyes off of it" her eyes were wide and her mouth was open

Emmett walked over and wolf whistled, "Now that's sexy" he declared and Rosalie hit him in the chest and I just laughed, I walked over to my station as Rosalie sat down again, I wiped over some cream and then wrapped it up, "You only need it covered for about two hours, show me it tomorrow just so I can have a look at how it's healing alright? You'll be a bit sensitive tomorrow but just have Emmett on your beckoned call" I spoke carefully trying to hide back a grin she started bouncing on her heels with her eyes with some spark.

We stood up and I grabbed my bag and put on my coat, turning to say goodbye to Emmett and Rosalie, I walked out back to say goodnight to Edward and to thank him for today but he was already gone, I sighed and stepped out in the cold of the night, I shivered involuntarily and started walking home, I knew it was a long walk but tonight I needed to clear my head and to figuring out how to put some order into my life and not let the last few months effect me here and now, I couldn't break down here, I couldn't break down at all.

I reached in to my bag and pulled out my cigarettes, rummaging around to find a lighter, sighed after a minute realising I must've left it back in the shop.

"Lighter?" I heard a deep voice ask from behind me, I spun around to find where the voice come from

"Sure, thankyou" he stepped forward and flicked the lighter as I held the cigarette to my lips

"What's your name?" he asked as I offered him a drag, which he declined and pulled out one of his own

"Bella" I said simply, "and yours?" I asked

"James" he said smiling at me as he released smoke into the night.


	5. Drowning on dry land

Valentines Day.  
I'm completely torn on which side to take in the battle of love, how ironic.  
I used to be the face hallmark for this day, even when I was single I would participate in the single ladies dance on this day, but this year is different, this year I'm different so there's no single ladies dance, no hallmark card, no love.

And there's so much to pull you down on this day, everyone saying it's so depressing, I never agreed with them, I never saw the dark side of it, until you knew what real heart break is. You won't understand those people who are "down with the love" who get drunk on whiskey before noon, throw dead flowers at the postmen and refuse to come out of the confines of their home until this day is over.

although I would love to sit in bed all day and sook, and for one day be a hermit I can't even do it because, one I would get so bored I would possibly blow my brains,two I have to work and three I'm a fucking walking cliché so I will suck it up, plast a smile on my face (although it's less plasting and more real smile) and ignore the aching feeling that I have in my stomach that is making me want to puke.

I'll bake cupcakes, cookies, sing songs and dance the single ladies dance and at work I'll wish everyone a happy valentines day before the sun goes down, I'll be today's cliché, I'll live up to my face of hallmark, heartbreak can be for every other day but today I'm going to make the most of it and try and for once forget why I had to leave all the reasons that made this day not ironic.

_____________________________________________________________________

I'm mid way through my cookies, that are shaped like hearts and my cupcakes are cooling, the timers set and my hairs drenched, multi tasking isn't my deal but I try, today I try to make it my deal.

scouring through my closet looking for something to say that I accept today, I settle on a oversized grey t-shirt, green silk scar, black blazer jacket, with a pinned on anchor brooch, leopard print tights and my oversized leather brown bag, white beret, and I snatch my glasses up from the night stand just as the buzzer goes off.

____________________________________________________________________

the cookies are boxed, the cupcakes are iced, my mini marc boots are on and I'm ready to face fellow valentine day lovers.

walking to starbucks when you're peachy makes you beyond content, you get a giddy feeling, yes I get a fucking giddy feeling before I get a soy chai latte but that's my business I don't judge what you get your giddiness from, grande chai in hand as I step outside again it's raining but no it's valentines so I won't scowel at a gloomy day instead I just power walk to the shop and push the door open with my butt.

"love is in the air, oh baby love is in the air…" Emmet hums as he works on a client, one valentines day person so far and only a million more to find.  
"morning Emmett" I say in passing as I hang up my blazer on the coat hooks and head towards the back room to store my bag  
"Bella barbie today's the day, today's the day I confess my love and we run away together did you bring the goods?" Emmet says with a Cheshire smile on his face

"I can't wait, I have the money bags in my trunk and my love for you is stored in my pocket, and if by goods you mean cupcakes yes and I have cookies to because it's valentines day, but you can't have one now it's unhygienic, when your finished and then will run away together" I call the last part out as I push the door open to the backroom.

I see dishevelled hair, the first thing I see is that and my heart flutters, it flutters, don't judge right now.  
"Edward" I nod at him as I grab the box of cookies and cupcakes from my bag and push my bag into the confines of my locker

"Bella" his voice cracks and he breathes out, I turn to find him looking at his hands and playing with the roughness of his fingers, I sit down next to him.

"are you okay?" I ask quietly, no body likes that question especially people who are vulnerable and Edwards is like me with that, his always vulnerable even the people who appear that they are not, are just better at hiding it then others.

He turns towards me his eyes flick around my face until he looks at me a sad smile graces is lips, I close my eyes and breathe in, and when I open them again I find him looking into mine, but not just looking but searching for something.

"I just want to try something, just don't move, stay perfectly still.." he says as he reaches up and pushes a tendril of hair behind my ear and cups my cheek, with the other hand he tilts my chin up so I'm looking at him again, I breathe his scent in and it's his musk of mint and smoke that makes my mouth water  
"stay very still" he breathes out as he brushes his lips against mine once, then twice, I close my eyes because the anticipation is basically like the drop the wakes you up during the night, this isn't like the Edward I know this is like the Edward I want  
"Bella look at me, please look at me" I open my eyes again to find him expecting the unexpected

"I can't stay away from you…" he says as his lips crash with mine, it's raw, it's rough, it's close to savage as his arm wraps around my waist to pull me closer, and his left hand tangles in my hair pushing my face to his, I whimper and I don't even take the time to process the thought to care because his response was a grunt back, he wants this as much as I do, I wasn't alone in this and this wasn't ironic.

my phone drops from my hand and crashes to the ground, and it's like a light being switched on, because as soon as the sound rang out in the room Edward stopped released his hand from my hair and his arm from around my waist, he doesn't even look at me and I feel guilt, and I didn't even do anything wrong but he looks different from how he did not even ten seconds ago  
"I need to go…" his voice cracks at the end  
"you're not good for me" he says standing up and pushing his way out of his room.

I stare blankly at the wall, completely unsure of what just happened, I graze my fingers across my lips to try and make it feel real, and there swollen, it happened it did happen, but Edwards reaction now that was ironic.


	6. Masochist

**Hi! So I know most of you are going to be pretty pissed off that this isn't Edwards POV and I'm sorry well actually I'm not really sorry because, I do this for me, which sounds selfish but this is the only selfish thing in my life except when I go shopping that's selfish to, I can't write I know it you know it, but because I'm finishing high school and I have 7 subjects to do and an enter I need to achieve of 92.5, this is my time to be selfish, so when I think I can write Edwards POV semi correct without sounding like a douche or someone trying to be a boy, then I will and I promise I'll put extra effort in to it, but for now your going to stuck with Bella because I can at least semi write my kind of Bella, I hope you all had a wonderful valentines day, I do! because I had a wonderful one, I was with my best friend and her little sister for breakfast and went to the movies and then I deleted my ex boyfriends number, it felt really good, everyone should try it, it's like sexual release without the sexual part, so just release but really try it, it's good for you, better then milk even.**

It's okay, it's alright, and I'm keeping busy.

I'm not really what you would call the definition of a house wife, I'm clumsy, I'm short tempered and don't even expect me to wait at the door for you with a smile plastered on my face and a "honey I'm home" insert sarcastic eye roll here please for the sake of humanity, forget it, that shit's not happening. However, I'll be in your face, I won't back down. And most will say that I'm all bark with no bite, but I like to bite, infact I love to bite, I'm more bite then I am bark. But Edward Cullen is the only person that I know that I've ever come in contact with that's left me shell-shocked (other then when I discovered that Santa isn't real)

Today was technically my day off and I had only come in because it was valentines day and I didn't want to be at home, not today it would be beyond pathetic I would procrastinate the entire day, or I would watch sappy love films and just think "that girl is trying to hard" and then I would realise I probably tried to hard at some stage and looked that miserable to outsiders.

I went to the counter and pulled out the schedule book to check what I had on the following day, I had a back piece at 1pm that would take me until 7, after that I had a 9 session that would be until 12, that was it, I put a reminder in my blackberry and went out back again to grab my bag, I don't even know why I put it away, it was stupid which seemed to be the common way I was acting today.

walking through the front I said bye to Emmett and he purely chuckled and looked up and waved with the gun still in his hand, obviously Childs play continued through his work, but I like the inner kid in him nothing seems to break it down.

once out on the street, I couldn't focus well I could but not on the right things so I simply went shopping sounds pathetic today but it's not because it involves involving with actual human's and not being anti social which leads to an anti, anti social valentines day, save me the lecture because honestly a little Alexander Wang could solve any problem from a broken nail to world war three.

when I got home there were more then ten bags of clothes, shoes, lingerie and I even got a sandwich press for melt in the mouth goodness and I felt better I did but this Edward interaction was bugging me because well…lets cut to the chase. I have the reputation of being a bitch, a bit of brass knuckles kind of girl but I wouldn't change that for the world. I would rather live my life this way then let my guard down, I would rather be real than someone who is a complete open mess for the world to view and those who are fake come across sweet and then the slightest word is said to them and they breakdown fast. People like to run there mouths, stand a few inches taller then they seem, it's what they do, it's a defence mechanism. I just call them out on it, I'm going to call Edward out on it and he can't act like the victim, he bit my lip, scruffed up my hair, held my waist and of course I reciprocated but any man, women and child would, I am here and I'm saying it's okay to be a bitch, I care what people think but I don't let it show, I have respect for myself and that's always my main priority, people are viscous and insecure, and I'm a materialistic girl but if you even try to tell me to play the victim I'll bite, I won't even bother to bark to get your attention I'll just get straight to the point.

My phone was vibrating on the table and I groaned not really wanting to talk now that I'm home.  
"Hello Alice what a pleasant surprise, it's like you could sense that there are Chanel bags in my presence or something" I laughed into the phone I heard her hmph and I only laughed more

"shutup! Wait Chanel? As in COCO?" she asked in a high pitched voice

"please explain what the other kind of Chanel is Alice?" I said in a mocking tone

"oh be quiet, anyway get dressed we're going out, ONE has a 'pucker your lips for love' night so a group of us a going, dress up it's ONE and your not 21 so we need to hooker your ass in or something, be ready by 9" I loved when she tried to revolve around my age

"Isabella Marie Swan isn't a fan of this, but I'll go but be ready for bitching cause I'm in a shitty as mood and so I need tequila and a cute boy who can last more then two minutes" I hung up so I couldn't hear her judgemental comments I knew I was crabby.

_____________________________________________________________________

after 8 I went to the closet and pulled out my cream coloured skin tight long sleeved lace dress that had no backing, I put on my translucent black tights with small love hearts in pin stripes, I was kicking boxes around trying to find my "come bend me over the closest stable object boots" when my phone beeped on the bathroom counter

_sorry about today, forget it happened.  
E._

I slammed my phone back down on the counter and thanked myself for getting insurance on it the day I purchased it, although no cracks were present on it  
I didn't bother to reply, there was no need to, because I wasn't sure if I was sorry and I know I wouldn't forget so I would just be lying.

I found the marc Jacobs box and opened it up, pulling out the definition of sex, black heels, lace up with gold buckles, with peep toe offcourse.

flipping my hair down and messing it up a bit, I walked over to the mirror, using red lipstick, light bronze and some mascara before grabbing my bag and putting my purse inside heading over to the door once I heard a knock, opening I found Alice there as expected.

"forget tonight baby lets just go straight to bed" she said in a seductive tone before winking and cracking up laughing

"get your ass out of the apartment" I said loudly fake punching her shoulder she scowled and we headed down stairs to the rest of her friends.

When we got outside it was cool and I scolded myself for not bringing a jacket.

"Bella, this is Jessica, Lauren and Victoria" she said pointing to three girls then she pointed to behind me saying "and this is James and Jacob" she said smiling up at the two guys now in front of me

"so we meet again, this seems to be a reoccurring thing" James said cracking a smile at me.


	7. Wake up alone

I always needed someone to tell me that everything in my life was right, even if it wasn't I need that person who says "just shutup, and have fun and it's okay if you even smile a little" and I've yet to find anyone other then Alice who tells me to do just that, so I smile, play along and have fun because if I don't, I focus on the wrong things, the wrong people, the wrong situations, like Edward. And his the least of my problems but his currently the one who comes to mind even as I'm in the taxi on the way to ONE.

"Now the first round really should be on you Bella, you owe me" Alice said snapping me out of my thoughts

"owe you for what?" I asked, I owed her for everything but I needed to hear her say it

"that smile on your face" she said, grinning back at me, I nodded then turned to look out of the window, Alice, Lauren, Jessica and I took one cab and Victoria and the boys took the other, Lauren and Jessica seem much the same and I never say there name to them because I know for sure I'll get them mixed up, there twins without the identical part. Victoria seemed as though she wanted to have her claws on anything and anyone, it clearly looked like that anyone was james tonight the way she "insisted" to go in the cab with him practically hanging off him.

James, James James James, it rolls off the tongue, it sounds nice, but just nice. Nothing special, nothing different, and nothing I haven't seen or felt before. Edward, Edward Edward, it sounds exquisite, makes me shiver, it's different, it's secure. But James is here now and it's not like I'm going to marry the guy I simply want to "shutup, and have fun and it is okay if I even smile a little", his cute in that don't take him home to your mom kind of way, sun kissed skin, short blonde hair, and arms with muscles that flex when he flicks his cigarette.

When we pulled up to the curb near ONE, Alice gave the driver the fare and we slid out, Alice wove her fingers though mine to direct me to the club, I didn't even think to bring a fakey with me tonight, so we were purely winging.

the outside was black and took me a minute to work out where the building began and ended, but the long line was a dead give away, we stood at the back of it

"James, Vic and Jake are going to be coming a bit later they just stopped off at a friends house" Alice called over the music that was echoing to the outside, I nodded at her as we took more steps forward

"it's kind of a zoo here" I said turning to Alice

"I don't care! I told you it would be fun tonight, I promised you I'd make tonight the best just trust me"

"I do, that's what worries me" I said.

The line was full of people, waiting to get in, mostly young, dressed up, drunk, sober, guys and girls of all different styles, texting smoking, laughing. One group of girls were trying to pick up in the line and I scoffed wondering why they couldn't save it until they got inside, they were pulling down the straps on their tight dresses in the process flashing people passing by. As we got closer to the front door I could see the bouncer manning the front door, huge with a beanie to keep him warm and a face with no emotion, next to him was a guy around six foot, cute too, tanned with light brown hair, he was in business pants and a Ralph Lauren business shirt.

Five minutes passed then ten, then fifteen. Alice and I made catty remarks about the people around us laughing and pointing just to show how immature we really are.

"Excuse me" I turned to my side to find the cute boy with the clipboard standing there smiling at us

"what are you doing standing out here?" Alice turned towards him wondering what was happening

"we're waiting to get in like every other person whose also at a legal age just like us" I said matter of factly then realised I just sounded like I had been caught by my parents for sneaking out

"no what I meant is, what's a girl like you doing waiting in a line like this?" he teased me

"waiting like I said" I responded, he grabbed my hand and I grabbed Alice's who then connected with the other girls to follow as he lead us to the front

"what the fuck are we doing will lose our spot! We've been here for fucking ever" Jessica snapped, well I think it was Jessica

ignoring her comment we continued walking to the front of the line before he stopped, unhooked the rope and ushered us in, I turned to Alice and told her I would be a minute and meet her in there she winked and walk off

"thankyou for that, I think the Berlin wall came down faster then that line was moving" I yelled over the prominent music coming through the door

he chuckled and then looked at me and smiled, which made me smile it was contagious and silly.

"you're welcome, you can go inside now with all the other people who of legal age just like you" he whispered the last bit obviously poking fun at my attempt of being inconspicuous, "I'm Demetri by the way" he said extending his hand

"I'm Bella and thankyou again" I said taking his hand in mine and shaking it  
"I better go in now, or I might not ever make it out, I owe you a drink so if you get time come in and find me" I said, walking away into the open door.

I walked into a large courtyard enclosed with vine covered black walls. There was a massive illuminated stage I could see from standing here, with girls crowding and dancing on stage, booths made up of low black top tables surrounded by tufted black leather chairs and sofas.

It was dramatic and out of the ordinary, I liked it.

I walked towards the girls who were standing at the cobblestone courtyard in a wide doorway which was plastered with gold vintage wallpaper and dimly lit high above ground candles

Alice smiled up at me "now we can go get a drink" she said to me, moving her shoulders to the music

"what?" I yelled  
"Bar, stat, vodka, needed" she yelled back, pointing towards the main room

I shouted to the rest of them "come on first rounds on me" they followed after Alice and I.

when we reached the small bar, I set my credit card down " 5 shots, and a jack and diet" the bartender began pulling out bottles fast streaming the liquid into glasses, the bartender didn't mention I'D's

"nice work" the bar tender said scanning my arms with an appraising nod

"thankyou, you too" I said looking at his chest piece which blazed different colours of an oceanic view

pushing the drink forward and swiping my card we said "cheers" and walked away

"this place is, um pretty amazing" I said to Alice

"I'm totally underdressed" Lauren moaned before taking a glance around the room at everyone else

"no no it's just a little short that's all no one will notice" I said trying to reassure her

"that's not what I meant" she said back glaring at me before slamming her shot down and announcing her and Jessica were going to dance

"I'm getting another drink al, do you want one?" I asked her  
she shook her head and I walked back to the bar

right at that moment, someone bumped into me hard. I whirled around; ready to glare at the person I was astonished to find myself eye to eye with Edward.

he looked me up and down, his face scrunched up, his eyes were bloodshot and unfocused and his stubble was more prominent

"uh hey" I said, for once I was completely unsure what to say

"what are you doing here" he burst out, not even bothering to say the pleasantries first

"I needed a drink, I needed to be out" I said with a sad smile gracing my lips

Edward narrowed his eyes at me, he was obviously drunk.

I felt a hand wrap around my waist and bring me to there side, I turned my head to find myself looking at James, why was his hand there?

Edward growled I was sure of it this time, "moved on fast haven't you?" he scoffed then walked away, I was shocked before turning to James

"what are you doing?" I asked him

"you looked uneasy I came over here to help you that's all fuck" he said back obviously retaliating from my snarky comment; I reached for my new glass of vodka soda and downing it in one gulp.


	8. Come break me down

"Are we having fun yet?" Alice asked as we walked into a stall just as three girls walked out sniffing and sliding their hands under there noses, real smooth I thought to myself.

"Hardly, I saw Edward since the whole 'we kissed and it was fuckagical but then you practically said I wasn't worth your time and stormed out' and he looked at me like the platonic plague, it's like I disgust him, am I gross?" I asked Alice as I cocked my head to the side and looked in the mirror

she was re applying lipstick, she rolled her eyes and mumbled something under her breath

"what?" I said turning towards her

"your not gross your not even near it, your just naïve, ignore that his here" she said puckering her lips

"oh no, no even better! Make him jealous pleaseeee do it! It will be so good, we can break him" she said smiling and nodding her head constantly, I didn't even reply before she grabbed my hand and lured me back out to the dance floor

"how about that one?" she said pointing to the navy blue suit on the side

"next to the Timberlake wanna be on his right? No Alice his wearing a suit to ONE how ridiculous" I said after a moment

I was scanning the club until I found a corner booth that sat jasper, Emmett and Rosalie, I tugged Alice's arm to follow me

"I've got to introduce you to some people follow me" I said as we wove through the club

they had the best one in the room, Edward was on the right side of jasper with multiple empty glasses around him, barely touching his glass of scotch though.

"hey guys" I said, smiling at jasper, em and Rosalie

"Bella barbie!" Emmett boomed loudly, a little too loudly

"Bella! You got in! it's good to see you" she stood up and hugged me tightly whispering

"Edward's been grouchy all day, I heard what happened he was talking to em about it, I'm sorry, are you okay?" she spoke kindly I just nodded my head and mouthed 'I'm okay'

"this is my friend Alice" I said gesturing to my right, she was looking straight at jasper as he was looking at me, I felt awkward.

"come, sit, look at my tattoo it's healing so good I want you to do another one" Rosalie insisted

"the best for the best" Emmett said sliding his arm around Rosalie's shoulders  
I slid in next to her and Alice followed, no breaking her eye contact with jasper

"I need a drink" jasper declared breaking up the conversation rose, Alice and I were having

"I need one too, I'll come with you!" Alice spoke first, I smirked she was already hooked, she slid out from next to me and jasper climbed over Edward

Edward hadn't spoken a word to me, or anyone other then jasper, he was to busy watching tonight's parade of poseurs. Still I felt hopeful that he would eventually say something, anything at all.

I turned back to Rosalie and was discussing the allanah hill lingerie range that was due to come out when I felt my phone vibrate, I reached into my clutch and opened my text  
_  
are you only here to torture me?  
~ E_

I huffed and looked up at him, but his eyes were on two girls that were hovering at the bar, one was Hollywood blonde and screamed fake and the other was brunette and exotic but not too exotic, Edward didn't even have the decency to look me in the eye and say it to me although he was less then a metre out of my reach

_Hardly, it's like your afraid that if you look at me  
I'll be the death of you  
~ B_

I nodded along to the music and turned to Rosalie and Emmett's conversation about a show they were wanting to go to

_You are the death of me  
~ E  
_  
I looked up at him, he rose from the table and looked me in the eye for a moment, I knew I looked like I had been defeated. He strode away toward the bar, nodding and smiling at the two girls he was eye fucking earlier he sidled up next to the brunette and caught the eye of the bar tender holding his fingers up signalling 'two'

I felt a hand on my shoulder and I looked up to find the cute guy with the clipboard from out-front smiling at me

"Hi, are you enjoying yourself?" he glanced down at me with a warm smile, god his smile was amazing, his eyes intense blue, I nodded and before I could say anything else he grinned at me, "how about that drink and then I think you definitely owe me a dance too"

he made me feel fresh, innocent and vulnerable, he was comfortable

I looked over my shoulder at Edward, as the brunette slid her hand higher up his thigh, two could play at this game

"definitely, and I think I owe you a little more then one dance" I replied winking at him as he took my hand and we walked down to the bar

"two whiskeys" he asked, with a raised eyebrow checking to see if I was okay with the order I smirked and nodded

he leaned forward and regarded me curiously, his eyes were big, expressive.

"How old are you really?" he asked me, trying to hold back and obvious chuckle

"I guess I wasn't to coy on planning 21 was I?" I replied.

he shook his head, "no, I suggest you don't have a future in acting" he said after a moment

"thanks for the tip I'll remember that" I said giggling, giggling again, it's happening more often "I'm 18 but 19 in four days" I smiled up at him

"at least your not illegal" he replied

"it's illegal for me to be in here" I blurted out

"not what I meant" he was smirking now and it was the kind that made you drop your panties or grovel for anything he may give

a man in a grey suit walked up to him and whispered in his ear, Demetri's brow furrowed before his lips went into a thin line, the man walked off after a moment

"I need to go sort something out, can I have your phone for a second? I'll add my number and you can add yours to mine" he said, we switched phones and I smiled at his background of him and a Labrador, adorable much? After a moment he spoke again  
"I'll be back in a minute" he said leaning down and kissing me on the cheek handing me back my phone and I gave him his, I blushed, he was sweet, he wasn't making me question anything so far, I told him it was fine before I turned back to the bar to order a martini

I felt the hairs on the back of my neck come to a stand before a warm breathe blew on my neck

"what are you doing Bella?" Edwards voice was hoarse and I almost didn't recognise it

"the same as you, finding a pal for the night" I said nodding towards the mindless brunette who was looking towards us, he growled at me before grabbing my wrist and pulling me through the crowd, he didn't speak and neither did I.

We got to the courtyard where it was dark, we turned a corner and he pushed me up against the wall

"two times" Edward spoke after a few minutes, I had no idea what he was talking about so I just stared at him blankly

"two times tonight have a I seen you with two different men, is this common for you or are there often more?" he asked in a mocking tone

"I haven't done anything wrong, James is hardly a friend and I just met Demetri tonight he works here" I replied

"well he seems to be taken very good care of the patrons of this fine establishment does he add bedding services to his duties as a nightclub host? Or will he just take you for a quick fuck in the women's bathroom in between shifts" Edward spat out, I slapped him across the face, I would hardly stand here and let him talk down to me like I was submissive to his requests, he scoffed then chuckled pushing me harder against the wall

"do you know what you do to me Bella?" he asked his breathe on my neck before he leant down and licked and kissed next to my right ear, I shook my head my eyes watering.

"you make women like at bars worthless, I hate that, that brunette held nothing on you, her eyes didn't make me want to fall down and die" he said going to the other side to kiss the same spot.

"You make me ache for you even though I've only just met you" he said softly biting down on my flesh, I whimpered as I felt a hot tear run down my face.

"You make it hard for me to eat, think, drink and sleep" he whispered kissing my collarbone before his tongue swept out along it, I let out a low moan and he grunted back.

he bent forward a bit, and we kept our eyes open as he kissed my lips. i hummed it was soft, swift and completely above an attraction, his fingers running from my shoulders, down the curve of my back to the curve of my ass lifting me up as I wrapped my legs around his waist.

I closed my eyes and moaned at the delight of Edwards mouth the taste was of scotch and smoke it was divine, I closed my eyes to savour it

"Stay looking at me," Edward whispered, as he started to move his hands through my hair pulling my face to him harder as he pushed my body against the wall more. "Don't take your eyes off of mine please." He begged, I could see it in his eyes, he needed this as much as I did

"Okay" I mumbled as his mouth caught mine again, I reached my arms around his neck and lazily scratched his scalp, he moaned in delight.

I felt my phone vibrate, once then twice

"mmm Edward stop…stop just for a second I need to check if it's Alice she's probably looking for me" I said panting out of breathe, he kept hold of me as my phone started vibrating again he lent back a bit so I could grab it from my pocket

I looked at the screen as _'demetri' _flashed up on the screen for the fourth time

"your fucking kidding me right?" Edward spoke mischievously, "go be his bed pal tonight I'll go find mine, come back to me when you don't have groupies" he said releasing my legs from his waist as I dropped to the ground and he stormed off

I got up and went the opposite direction to go for the exit, weaving through the crowd trying not to cry, I got to the exit and waited on the curb for a taxi, I climbed in as my phone vibrated again, I quickly told the driver my address as I answered.

"Hello?" I said my voice cracked at the end

"Bella where are you I can't find you here" she said, with a tinge of worry to her voice

"I just left Alice, Edward broke me first, I'll talk to you tomorrow" I said hanging up on her and putting my phone back in my pocket as I got out of the cab and walked up the steps unlocking the door, it continued to vibrate for over an hour before I switched it off and crawled into bed, still clothed I sighed and closed my eyes ready for mindless sleep.

Everybody look down, it's all in your mind.


	9. Lost

**I'm going to start off with saying, you don't all understand body modification to the extremes not in a rude way just, I have my collarbones pierced (some may know this from my profile) one got ripped out last Saturday when I was at a party and the other one got infected, it got worse over the week and two days ago I went to my piercer who I'm really good friends with, turns out it was one for the books, the most infected she's ever seen a piercing, by saying this I mean half the bar hanging out of my skin oozing puss constantly and I could feel the pain all the way down to my fingers and neck, turns out I got blood poisoning from it getting so infected as well, it was then cut of my skin with surgical scissors, I didn't even flinch though ;) that's how dedicated I am! But now I feel bare without my collarbones so in two weeks I'm getting dermals on my fingers p,s sorry if you didn't want to read this I just thought I would mention it!**

At 6:05 in the morning, I had pulled out of bed and climbed into the shower resting my forehead on the tiles as the bathroom filled with steam, I lathered my body and hair until I got rid of the smell of smoke, vodka and the night before washed down the drain.

He was gone which meant I could move on with my day, I stepped out of the shower after it got to the point where my fingers were prunish and I was beginning to sweat from the heat of the room itself, I wrapped a towel around myself walking back through my room, I went to the closet and pulled out my lee lick black skinny jeans with rips down the front, my white top shop fitted women's business shirt, black low cut chain boots, getting dressed in a hurry and finishing my makeup allowing my hair to dry on it's own accord, once I was don't it was just after 8, sighing I pulled out my phone flipping through the missed calls that occurred whilst sleeping, I promptly ignored them.

Getting Google up on the laptop and started searching for salons in the area, I needed a change, hair change is always good, I needed something that was done just for me and no body else, once I had found a salon around the corner from work, I made a booking for 9:30 just being able to squeeze in, I grabbed my red chain sports girl bag, my reading glasses and packed my bag with cookies.

On the way I got a mocha, pushing the door to the salon open, glancing around it was dingy and dark and comfortable the main wall covered in a huge street art piece that caught my attention immediately the lines and detail were perfect, clearly a mock up of the 16th chapel I was sure of it.

a girl in front of me appeared from head to toe in pink, immediately making me want to gag, she looked familiar though I had seen her around.

"Bella?" she said loudly  
"yeah I'm here for an appointment with Amy" my voice sounded demanding and that wasn't my original intention, her smile didn't waver though and I could tell now how obviously fake it was and how many times a day that kind of smile appeared on her lips

"yep she's in the back room come take a seat" she said quickly walking over and pulling out a chair for me, I placed my mocha on the small table in front of me and pulled out my phone to keep myself occupied.

"Hey Bella I'm Amy" a girl blonde hair called out as she walked towards my chair, I smiled she was my comfort zone, on one arm she had a half sleeve and on her calf she had a rose piece, they were both beautiful on there own.

Once she finally got to me she gripped the sides of the chair  
"what can we do for you today? Just a trim? Such lovely hair beautiful so rich and healthy" she said as she ran her fingers through it, I refrained from nuzzling but it just felt so damn good.

"I want change. And not trim change I want, holy fuck did she lose ten pounds in one week change but my equivalent to hair is, I want one side shaved, keep the other side so it's still long just shave one side and just trim the rest a little" I said smiling in the mirror up at her, she stilled for a moment before a smile spread across her face

"sounds fun" she said with a deviant wink, she pulled a tray over with everything she needed as she began on my hair.

"That piece on the back wall is amazing, who did you hire to do it? It's so detailed" I said gushing at it from the reflection in the mirror, Amy turned and smiled at the piece nodding.

"I know, it's my favourite part about here, it's done by Edward at High Voltage" she said as she began to buzz the side of my hair, I choked on my mocha causing her to stop

"I work there" was all I said she gasped

"you seem like the type to, Edwards good to look at I'm a little jealous and kind of turned on at the same time of seeing you two in a confined space" she said laughing as she continued to buzz, I couldn't help but to laugh, hell she was hot and she just admitted that I was a bit of a turn on for her, that was hotter.

"Did Edward do your work?" I said as I gazed at her arms in the mirror

"he did infact! But I want that…" she said indicating with her head to the 16th chapel "put on my back, whole back" a small smile graced her lips

"how about I do your hair and you trust me and I'll trust you with my back piece"  
I smiled and nodded "I'd love to, when would you want to start it?" my mind was spinning and racing of ideas of what to shade, the minor and major details and how big each section should be

"I could come over around eight when I finish here and we could talk about it?" she suggested, I nodded "sounds good"

"your all done" Amy spoke with victory in her voice, my kind of girl  
looking up in the mirror I saw that at least 26inches of my hair was now gone on the right side where as the left was left long and slightly curled, It looked amazing

"I fucking love it" I said grazing my finger tips over the fresh shaved area

____________________________________________________________

at around 11:30 I walked into high voltage catching site of Edward behind the counter talking to a client

"so I think we should change this a bit, add some white so we can make the eyes stand out more, I think that's really important but it's obviously up to you" his fingers were pointing to the few sketches he had laid out before him, whilst his client was looking at the pictures, he looked up as I walked around the counter pulling out the appointment book, I could feel his eyes on me so I glanced up, after the few seconds of silenced I lowered my eyes to the appointment book again reminded myself of today's events I scheduled in my consultation with Amy

I pulled out the sketching pad as I began to drawn up the pieces my first appointment had dropped in last night when I felt him next to me again.

"Hi" I heard Edward faintly say, my fists clenched around the pencil making it push further into my skin, jaw tight I kept my eyes on the page, hoping my appointment will miraculously come early  
"I said hi, it's common to say it in return or hey, hello, hola, any of those common phrases, just say something" he said using his hands to make his point

"Edward," I stated shortly, grabbing onto the pencil even tighter, hooking my legs around the base of the stool to keep me in place

"Bella" he said in mock amusement

"Funny, really well done on your humour." My fist tightened on the pencil, making it apparent where in my drawing had Edward interrupted me with the deep indentations to the page

"sorry, about last night" Edward said awkwardly, obviously referring to the point in the night where he went all "me Tarzan you Jane" and dropped my ass on the floor

"whatever" I said, acting as though it didn't bother me, like nothing he did really effected me at all, focusing on my page I rounded the pencil to the lighter areas beginning to focus on the shading

"are we going to talk or are you going to take it out on the paper" he chuckled, leaning against the counter, I looked up at him immediately and all humour left his face

my mouth turned into a scowl that it he felt it was okay to do this  
"do you have bipolar? Because you keep changing your mind and I was just wondering if there was a scheduled time in which you'll turn back to say dropping me on the floor, pulling at my hair, making me moan oh and my favourite…calling me a whore, so is there selected times for selected emotions? Or is just when it suits you best?" I continued to keep my eyes on the paper because I knew if I looked at him my voice will waver

I jumped when Edwards's fist slammed on the counter, I looked up at him finally and his jaw was locked eyes fierce and his lips in a straight line

he opened his mouth to speak but then closed it again this repeated a few times before he huffed and grabbed me by the upper arm leading me to the piercing room, slamming the door shut behind him, I sat on the table waiting for him to say something but he just stood there pulling at his hair occasionally or sliding his hand down to rub at the stubble along his jaw line

"is that going to take long because I have another 15 minutes until my first client" I said tapping my wrist, indicating I had a schedule of my own to run by

he sighed stopping mid way through his twentieth time of rubbing his jaw

"I like your hair" he spoke like nothing had happened and it confused me, I quirked an eye brow  
"…it's new, fresh, I really like it, it suits you. And you, you confuse me and I'm I really am bipolar but you bring out the worst in me, you just agitate the shit out of me and are constantly making me feel on edge all the time, even when your not near me, it's generally worse when your not near me but yes to your question" he was speaking so fast and started pulling at his hair again but more feverishly this time

"and your like a constant turn on, I always need you near me and I like that but I hate the godamn shit out of it as well, what do you do to me that makes me like this?" he asked looking down at me as I said blinking at him unsure of what to say

I stood up taking a step forward pulling his hand from his hair lowering it, keeping my eyes on him the whole time

"it is new hair, it's fresh it's different it's for me because I was sick of revolving my actions around you but when you said you liked it I realised I got it done to see the reaction out of you, I'm doing that for everything and it's sickening I shouldn't rely on your thoughts and actions especially when I don't know what to expect but at the same time I like that I don't know what's going to happen next" I whispered my part as he played with my fingers, smiling at me he linked them together

"so what's going to happen next?" he asked me, the smile on his lips began to widen and I couldn't help but smile he was making me bipolar to

"this." I said pushing him forward as he banged into the wall, sucking his bottom lip in, he cupped my ass in his hands, making me moan, I lifted my legs wrapping them around him as he moved forward onto the table hovering over me as we continued attacking each other, he spun us over so I ended up on top straddling him, I moved down to his neck nipping at it and grazing me teeth behind his ear lobe, he groaned as I sucked it into my mouth, his hands on my ass pushing me down as his body arched up pushing into me making me moan, he frantically began undoing my jeans, I moved back up to his mouth biting at his bottom lip as he used one hand pushing me back to his face snaking his tongue out to trace my top lip

"cant..un do…fucking jeans..fucking button" he said angrily between kisses, I chuckled at his annoyance, I leaned back un doing the button myself, Edward looked at me with a sheepish grin before he leaned up as he began pulling my jeans down

"hey Bella you in there? Clients out front it's 12:10, what are you doing?" I heard jaspers voice through the door

"coming jasper just uh changing something" covering Edwards mouth from laughing at me trying to re do me jeans with one hand, we heard him walk off

" I better get off you now" I said trying not to laugh at the situation

"I'd rather you get me off" Edward said causing me to smack him in the chest, he pulled me back down giving me a chaste kiss again

"I really need to talk to you again when you have a break, I hate to sound like a girl but we need to figure this shit out" he said helping me stand up from the table

"will you change back to emoward between now and dinner time?" I asked sounding slightly concerned, he shook his head

"I'm glad" I said  
he leaned down and press his lips to my collarbone,  
"me too" he said as his lips left my skin.


	10. Hiding my heart

"so…Madison? What do you do, anyway?" I asked the bottle blonde girl in front of me as I was shading across her…well…tramp stamp.

It's not like the girl took initiative and thought of something creative, no instead she was getting 'betty boop' above her ass, every time I think of tramp stamps I think of the person bent over as they're being fucked and the person whose dominating is thinking

"what the fuck Is betty boop doing there"  
so there for I just can't take them seriously.

"I'm a receptionist!" she spoke in a high pitched nasal voice that nearly made me drop the gun

from there on out, it was silent except some pathetic "oww!" "Shit that hurt"  
for the next hour.

a few more walk ins, a few more hours, and a few hundred more not so sneak glances at Edward later, it was time to go for dinner before Amy.

Heading into the piercing room I grabbed my wallet from under the carts, heading back in to the room

"em, do you want some dinner? And jasper's out right now but do you think he'll want something?" I asked perching over the counter as he was typing away on his laptop

"yeah I don't mind grab me something infact lots of something's, and jaz has gone to grab a bite with a friend so never mind about him" he said only taking time to look up and wink at me before he turned back to the screen.

I felt a hand wrap around my waist and a hot breath behind my ear

"mind if I come" Edward asked and I'm pretty sure I moaned because Emmett fucking chuckled

I turned around so I could face Edward to watch his reaction

"not at all" I said winking and watching his eyes widen and then a slow smirk spread across his face, I strolled towards the door and could hear him following.

It was cold out and I was glad I had a layer that's all I could say. Edwards fingers laced with mine and our breaths were visible in the night air

"so what are you thinking?" he asked turning his head my direction

"I want something hot, like Indian" I responded

"about us I meant but sure Indian sounds good"

"the first half of my statement applies still"

I couldn't help but think about the fact of how different Edward was each day, and I had hardly known him for more then a two weeks, it frightened me.

"I think 'us' should be discussed over chai or vodka not whilst we walk to Indian, walking to Indian topics include that I'm feeling old being three days away from nineteen" I spat out

"chai, vodka got it, tomorrow night I'm coming round for that discussion I'll bring both so you're forced to talk about it with me, and as for your birthday it's about time your another number up so I don't feel so much like I'm taking advantage of you"

he held open the door for me as we stepped into _"true spice"_ it smelt amazing and I moaned from the smell of spices

"you moaning is only making things harder for me" Edward whispered in my ear as we waited in line

"for both of us" I mumbled under my breathe but I heard light laughter from him so he must've heard

after placing our order I sat to the side waiting, Edward had gone up to get me a mango lassie and I was practically humming in excitement at the smoothness of them, I felt my phone vibrate against the table.

_Do I need to sound out a search party?  
Or did you make it home okay?  
~ Demetri_

I smiled, he was cute, he definitely cared and he'd only known me for a short amount of time plus I bailed on him to go make out…  
_  
no S.O.S needed but thankyou for the offer  
I got home okay, sorry I left so…abruptly?  
How was the rest of the night? Your work must be exhausting! Pretty girls, endless amounts of drinks, suave suits that ignite salvia glands, tough job!  
~ Bella_

hitting send and placing my phone down as Edward returned with our drinks

"thankyou om nom nom nom" I said as he handed my drinks

"you're such a child"

I smacked his hand and he nodded his head obviously referring to his previous statement, smartass. He sat down on the chair next to me placing his hand on my knee and rubbing slow circles

"have you got any more clients tonight?" I asked him wondering why it was so easy for him to always come and go

"nope" he said making the 'p' pop

"next one is tomorrow is at 11 thankfully, but I do need to do some work back at the shop of my laptop regarding tomorrows' client" Edward spoke as he gazed around the restaurant, my phone vibrate and he zeroed in on it.

I cleared my throat picking it up, obviously knowing who the message would be from already

_well, just so we're clear the flare gun was ready haha  
I think you should make that up to me somehow, a drink soon?  
Night was good but missing something of course.  
It's excruciatingly difficult to deal with, especially girls who try and sneak in underage, then sneak back out, like a ninja I swear.  
Are you saying I make your mouth water dear Bella, care to explain?  
~ Demetri_

I scanned it quickly, locking my phone and placing it down knowing that right now wasn't the time to reply especially since Edwards soothing circles stopped and his hands rested on the table in front of us, I reached out running my fingers over his wrists, his face turned to look at me and he looked confused, I hardly expected that, I thought there would be rage or disgust.

"He was just checking that I was okay I kinda went M.I.A last night you know?" I spoke quietly not really sure how he would respond, Edward didn't keep eye contact with me he just nodded.

_"order 63"_ a man from the counter shouted and I stood up, handing our number over grabbing the two bags, Edward was right behind me and took the bags from my hands as we started walking back to the shop.

He turned into a bottle 'o' and told me to wait out front, handing me the bags, I didn't say anything.

When he walked out, we crossed the street to 'Solito' and he told me to wait out front again, and I didn't say anything as he walked in.

Coming back out he held two cups.

"Chai and vodka, we can talk when we get back to the shop" he didn't ask, he told me and for once I didn't fight him on it.

**I feel so mean leaving it there! But I promise tomorrow night my Australian time, I will update again! it's just I felt like adding a chapter I had an urge, so tomorrow night new chapter and they will work there shit out, tomorrow I'm seeing the last song, I can't wait! The book was beyond amazing, it's school holidays here for only 10 days though blah blah.  
I coloured my hair, it's black now which I was afraid would make me look 'emo' but I have really good hair extensions so instead it looks really nice, I'm pleased with it, this chapter made me really want a chai so tomorrow morning before I get on the bus I'll get a chai and a cookie I think. By the way, so you know this if I haven't mentioned it, everything in this fan fiction that Bella wears I own my self because it's so I know what it looks like on and I'm not just guessing, tell me if you like the short chapter, I want to wake up with alerts on my phone! Well actually I have insomnia so I'll be lucky for an hour of sleep but I swear I check my phone every morning whilst waiting at the bus stop, have a peachy day everyone.**


	11. Laughing with god

**I'm really sorry I didn't post earlier, my computer crashed and I mean crashed.  
and also my school decided that my A on one of my assignments went to a D because I missed a test because I was sick so I was running around getting doctors certificates and principle signatures and teachers letters just so I can do it, and guess what?  
Tomorrow I get to do it, also another yay thing; I got my results back for my English exam…I GOT AN A! I was sooo very happy.**

Edward sat back against the sleek black leather chair and furrowed his brows for the hundredth time since we'd come back to the store the two shot glasses in front of us filled to the brim with pure straight vodka that would add the burn to my throat that right now that I desired, he hadn't said anything yet and my tummy was in knots, I felt guilty although I knew I hadn't done anything logically wrong

"this is not what I needed" he uttered

I was sitting in the chair across from him, frowning. "Why would you say that? He was checking where I was, it's really not a big deal" I scoffed.

Edward laughed. "that's nice, nothing really seems to be seen as a big deal to you, so give me an example of what a big deal is, if a guy texting you the day after he was clearly trying to get you into bed and you responding whilst your out with me isn't a big deal?"

When he put it that way, it sort of sounded like I was in the wrong, but I knew I wasn't he was melodramatic.

"Did you sleep with her?" I asked, he ran his hands through his hair as though it was compulsory then paused mid stroke and cooked his brow at me

"with whom? What are you talking about?" he scrunched his face up and threw his hands up in the air

"the brunette, the one at the bar who had been eye fucking you before you walked me outside, did you go back to her and sleep with her?" I asked, cutting the bull shit, if he felt the need to point out what he thought was a big deal then I'm going to bring him down a notch or two

"excuse me?" Edward said, his voice filled with anger

"..Edward, it's pretty simple to answer"

Edward fell silent, digesting my words  
"things were crazy that night you made me feel insane I couldn't even think straight, I drank a lot" probably referring to the numerous glasses that I had seen around him that night, from my perspective he was disastrous that night, but for all I know he could say the same about me

I rose my eyed to look at him directly, willing him to get to the point and answer the fucking question.

"yes." He said simply, casting his eyes down to the shot glass, I followed his eyes and leant over and picked my glass up, swallowed, felt the burn and then slammed it back down.

"that's what I classify as a big deal, you getting mad at me for a guy calling me and then later texting me, both of which you knew about and treated as though I was breaking vows and then there was you who dropped me, literally then went inside and fucked some girls brains out that has bigger boobs then IQ, so don't make yourself sound like the victim here Edward, if we're putting the cards on the table then really go ahead and lay it all out for me" I spoke calmly and I really expected myself to spit the words out, but it felt as though it was the eye of the storm just before all hell broke loose

"how are we going to turn this around?" Edward asked, playing with a loose thread on the edge of his shirt

"you need to tell me what you think is wrong and what is making you snap at me constantly and then I'll tell you, and whilst you speak I won't say anything at all, I'll sip on my chai and have a blank face then I'll do the same thing, sound okay?" I thought this would work in fact I hoped it would

Edward sat silently for a while before nodding and leaning forward resting his elbows on his knees

"jasper likes you…" I went to interrupt him clearly fucking confused about this information "he does, I don't think you realise it because you don't focus on things that don't automatically grab your attention but he does like, and I told him 'that was cool' and I didn't mean it, it makes it sound like I told him to go fuck you and I hate that I can't just say ill rip him apart if he lays a finger on you because your mine, and I hate _domain? dantre? Demetri? _Yeah demetri I fucking hate him, and I don't like that we can't have a conversation where we're either flirting or fighting that we can never just be at peace, I know nothing about you except that with everything serious you clutch things tighter like your doing at the moment with the cup, and you suck on the bottom of your lip, but I don't know why you're here, or when your birthday is, or if there's somebody else or what makes you so nervous that you hide it, I want to be with you but there's so much shit that we cause together" Edward frowned once he finished "yeah so that's what I had to say so go ahead…"

I took a moment to go over everything he had just said, then I spoke

"I didn't know, about the jasper liking me thing which I'm not sure about but if he did it's not a big deal, I want to rip apart the brunette or find out her name so I can facebook her and make myself feel better by calling her ugly names even though she was exotic and beautiful, and Demetri? I only took notice of him because he was the complete polar opposite of you he didn't make me question anything and you make me question even little things like if I should change what I'm wearing if you'll notice me more or if I'm sitting correctly and stupid shit like that, he was easy and his sweet and his a friend Edward a friend okay? You can't go all caveman over the opposite sex being my friend because you're my friend, I'm not going to open up easily and you haven't either so it's really a two way street, give it time but just so you know my birthday is in two days, I'm here because I couldn't be there any more, there's no body else…not anymore at least, everything makes me nervous and you revolve around that and I hate that, what even is this?" I finished with pleading eyes

"this" Edward said moving his eyes from us "is how difficult we make everything"

I sighed putting my cup down and resting my head in my hands and closing my eyes, feeling my hair cascading down over me, blocking the last remaining bits of light from shining through my eye lids

Edwards hands peeled back the fingers that were clutching my skin

"open your eyes Isabella" he spoke softly, I opened them and a sad smile graced my lips as I faced him, Edward was now kneeling on the ground in front of me

"we need time it's so obvious I've known you for a few days and everything's just too much right now, I would give so much to call you mine but right now we need to get to know each other" Edward spoke making sure not to break eye contact with me, I nodded agreeing mostly

"but we need rules or we're going to end back up where we are now" I nodded again and he leaned over the table and grabbed some post its and a pen before facing me again

"rule 1. No demetri infact no anyone that has any sort of attraction to you or you to them except me"

I laughed, he was cute and insecure and he was Edward.

"Rule 2. No skanky girls who want babies with you" I said tapping the post it making sure he wrote it down exactly

at the end we ended up with,  
_1. No demetri infact no anyone that has any sort of attraction to you or you to them except Edward himself  
2. No skanky girls who want babies with Edward  
3. No flirting unless for free chai  
4. No dates  
5. No fucking the brains of girls in public bathrooms or banging people with clipboards  
6. Commitment without actual commitment  
7. When we feel like stabbing each other, walk off_

we agreed, then both signed the bottom, Edward even made photocopies.

"Am I allowed to see demetri if I'm at the club and have a conversation?" I crossed my fingers waiting for his answer because demetri was a nice guy

"well am I allowed to see the brunette?" Edward asked, and I snarled

"point taken, but in my defence I haven't fucked demetri but if you want me to even the score…" I smiled deviously

"that would be breaking rule 1, 3,4,5, do you want to do that?" I shook my head and he continued

"you can see him but just don't hurt me" he leaned towards me linking his fingers

"I won't" I didn't want to wreck my friendship or whatever this is with Edward this kind of thing can sometimes wreck a friendship especially friendship's that already have issues to begin with. Like if one person is kind of possessive or controlling or both are.

Edward sighed "we need to get back to work, I'll wait for you to finish tonight"  
he looked thoughtful and he got up from the ground walking to the back room as I stood stretched and turned around as Amy walked through the door.


	12. Anyone else but you

I woke up stretching out and wiggling under the covers, I reached for my phone, open new texts.

_We need to go out tonight! Your 19 tomorrow  
this is big! Out tonight no excuses!  
I'll be around at 7 we'll do dinner and get ready  
~ Alice_

I'll be over at 9:30 I'm bringing muffins  
I miss you, was I miss you's in the rules?  
oh well  
~ Edward  
  
I smiled at how cute he is, then looked at the time 9:27, I looked like shit.  
I scrambled out of bed and into the bathroom to brush my teeth as I tried to make my hair look less, sex like practically.

I spat and rinsed, and heard Edward knock, I was in a grey shirt that was far too big for me and belonged to one of my friends back in Australia, it was my comfort shirt.

opening the door to Edward I saw him standing there with a starbucks tray and a muffin break bag, he smirked as he eyed me up and down

"I just got your message, and I just woke up, don't blame me that I don't look good right now" I mumbled, whilst shuffling out of the way so he could come in

"you look fucking adorable don't even worry about it, where shall we eat?" he asked, scanning the apartment

"my bed, I want to watch cartoons" I said leading him down the hallway, he laughed at me and I heard him mutter "child" which I responded with "old man"

I climbed over the bed and tucked myself under the donah, Edward stood there awkwardly

"don't be stupid climb in, it's so warm" I said rolling around

he took his shoes off and put the breakfast on the night stand as he slid underneath, handing me a cup and a blue berry muffin, he was perfect.

Flicking on the TV to watch cartoons I moved a little closer so I could hear

"are you working today?" Edward asked

"nope but I need to pick up my sketch book, I want a new tattoo so I need to draw it up" I replied, mouth full of muffin of course

"will you come in with me when I head in at 11?"

I scrunched up my face, that gave me less then an hour to get ready

"okay but I can't stay long I need to go shopping it's a must I want a new dress for tonight"

"what's tonight?" Edward asking, taking a bite of his muffin

"my date with Demetri" I replied innocently, Edward choked on his muffin which caused me to go in to fits of giggles

"I'm – kidding" I said whilst covering my face laughing, Edward leaned over me and pinned my arms down, my laughing ceased as I looked up at his intense gaze

"where are you going Bella?" he asked again, I blinked, mind blank and just stared at his lips

"uh ttt-to a club with a-a-lice" I stuttered through it as his pressure on my arms increased

he leant forward and his lips brushed my neck, so close to my pulse, he had to know how fast my heart was racing, his lips brushed my ear as he bit down lightly on my ear lobe and I moaned, loudly too.

He pulled away and returned to his muffin

"What the fuck" I said and looked over at him as he chewed away whilst his eyes danced with laughter

"you got me, I got you, it's even"

"that's not fair!" I hmphed and crossed my arms, yes I was watching cartoons, complaining and eating a muffin

"I'm sorry baby, I'll make it up to you. Which club are you going to?" he asked offering me a choc chip from his muffin, which I gladly took

"I think Alice said something about H-wood I think it's called, she wanted me to be drunk for when it hits midnight and I hit 19, I'm going to hop in the shower seeing I now have 40 minutes to get ready" scrambling over the bed I rushed into the bathroom and slammed the door, climbing into the shower.

_____________________________________________________________

my make up was done, and my hair was hanging down my back mostly dry and I was letting the rest dry naturally, walking back into my room I found Edward on the bed arms behind his head and his eyes closed, lips parted, he looked cute as hell.

Walking to my dresser I pulled out navy blue lace boy shorts, and matching bra, dropping the towel, walking to my wardrobe, I bent down and grabbed my shoes for the day, black suede wedges. I threw them behind me, turning to see where they landed I saw Edward with his eyes opened and an amused expression on his face

"nice outfit, spin for me"

so I spun around, then threw a shoe at him

grabbing my black velvet skirt, long black lace top and black tights with roses, I was warm, thankyou velvet.

Tying on my shoes, and grabbing my red winter coat and black chain bag

"okay ready" I said walking out of my room with Edward following as I locked up the door and we headed out.

_____________________________________________________________________

"is it breaking the rules if I hold your hand" he asked as our fingers brushed against each others, for must be the hundredth time. Rather then answering, I laced his fingers with mine, he leaned down and kissed my temple as we walked towards the shop

"what time are you heading out tonight?"

"Alice is coming round at 7 she said to get ready and dinner so probably like after 10 I think why?"

"Just wondering"

"will you miss me?"

"never"

I fake gasped and stepped away from him in the middle of the street and pouted

"I'm joking baby, come here" Edward said stepping towards me, I stepped back, and he stepped forward again, it ended up with me against a pavilion and him right in front of me

"I'm kidding, I promise I'll miss you" he spoke softly and I reached up and laced my fingers behind his neck, playing with the hair at his nape, he hummed softly, and I giggled because he sounded like a damn cat

he leaned down and pressed his lips to mine softly, then parting them as his tongue swept out, I groaned and leaned in to him more

"mmm Bella we have to sorta stop I'm meant to be there 10 minutes ago" I sighed and we resumed our walk, hands together again.

Walking into the shop I grabbed my sketch pad and went to walk out again

"can you just stay here for a little while, like draw here, I just don't get too see you tonight that's all" Edward said pulling out his own sketch pad

"sure that's fine"

Edward smiled then walked back over to the leather seats in the corner with his client as I sat down on the couches, tapping my pencil on the page deciding where to start.

After two hours, I felt movement around me and I turned around to find Edward heading towards me, I flipped the book shut and tucked it under my arm

"that was painful" he groaned as he sat down and nuzzled so his head was on my lap and his feet kicked over the edge of the chair

"and why is that?"

"Jaspers client and his not here today so I had to cover the guy wouldn't shut up" Edward rolled his eyes and grabbed my hand placing it in his hair so I would run my fingers through it. My phone vibrated and I grabbed it from on top of my bag next to me

_what are you wearing tonight, got an outfit yet?  
I'm bringing options over you need to help me pick!  
~ Alice_

I wrote back quickly letting her know I was going shopping soon and I'll message her when I'm home.__

"Edward I have to go now" I leant down and kissed him on the corner of his mouth, and he smiled__

"okay, have fun tonight alright? And be careful no more Demetri situations" He got off my lap and helped me up as I grabbed all my things and headed out on to the street.__

  
When I got home it was 6:30 and Alice already called me to tell me she was on her way over and would be there in five.

I put the bags on my bed and laid out my outfit, waiting on Alice's approval.

"BELLA!" Alice called from what sounded like the living room

"back here Ali" I called back as I heard her foot steps come down the hallway

"okay so I have five outfits, I need help!" she said as she turned into my room

"show me them asap, this is mine by the way, is it okay? Not trashy?" I asked her feeling slightly concerned because I'd never been to H-wood before

"it's perfect I love it! Get dressed whilst I show you mine"

I dressed quickly in the black skin tight sass and bide leather pants, and a strapless red top with geometric patterns of green and blue I put on the same suede shoes as today, turning the curler on to heat up as Alice came out in her second outfit, an emerald green strapless dress and black bett heels

"don't even consider changing that looks amazing" I said pointing at her, she smiled broadly and clapped her hands, we went in to the bathroom, and I curled my hair in thick loose curls, and applied smoky eye makeup and a clear gloss, Alice had emerald smoky eyes to match her dress, she looked fuckable.

"where do you want to go for dinner?" she asked me as I finished my mascara and adjusted my top

"can we get Thai and bring it to the shop, I don't think the boys have had a break today"

"so we're not just going to the shop so Edward can see you as the add campaign of sex"

"that too."

___________________________________________________________

We walked into the shop carrying three bags of food, that smelt amazing. When we got inside Emmett and jasper where at the counter talking about a new catalogue and I couldn't see Edward so I assumed he was with a customer, the boys looked up and had blank faces, until jasper wolf whistled at us, and both Alice and I laughed, she even blushed, she freaking blushed.

"you two look good" Emmett said, coming around the counter and giving us a hug

"really good" jasper said as he followed Emmett's strategy

"thanks we're on our way out we just wanted to bring you guys some dinner chivalry isn't dead yet boys"

walking to the couches we sat down and I unpacked all the food handed them each a fixed tray

"where's Edward?" I asked, taking a sniff of my pad Thai

"he just went out for a smoke as you came in" Emmett spoke, mouth full of pad Thai

"I'll be back in a minute" I got off the couch heading out through the back room to the exit staff used, opening the door. Edward stood with his back against the brick wall with his head to the side talking to a guy and a girl, when he heard the door open he turned towards me, with his mouth hung open a little

"hey" I said stepping out into the cold air, jacket still inside on the couch.

"hey" he wrapped his hands around my waist and lifted me up as I put my hands around his neck tightly, he kissed my neck and whispered

"you look really fucking hot in those pants" I chuckled at his eagerness as he set me back down on the ground and held my hand

"Bella this is Tanya, Tanya this is Bella, and this is Alistair" I smiled and said hi to them both pretending not to care about the look Tanya was giving me

Edward lit another cigarette and passed it off to me, I took a drag and then closed my eyes, I felt Edward hot breathe by neck as he whispered

"you make that look so damn sexy" I chuckled as did he

"I have dinner, I thought I'd come by and eat with you before I go out"

Edward dropped the cigarette and stood on it as he turned to Tanya and Alistair

"I'll see you guys later alright" he nodded towards them and they returned the gesture as Edward took my hand and we walked back into the shop, taking our place on the couch and ate, after 20 minutes it was after 10:30 and Alice sent me the signal that we should leave, I leant over to Edward

"I'm going now okay, I'll talk to you later?" I smiled, it was stupid I wanted to go out but I wanted to be with him, I knew he had to work

he set down his food and got up to walk Alice and I out, I said bye to the boys and Alice stood outside as Edward and I were in the door way

"if you can come, we'll be at H-wood remember that okay? You don't have to though" he nodded and lent down and kissed my cheek which made me smile

"be safe" he said walking back in to the shop, as Alice and I turned the corner and got in the first cab to begin the night.


	13. Home

Alice turned to the studded leather bar chair on her left. The same guys on the opposite side of the bar kept glancing at us, hoping to catch at least one of us enough to make some sort of gesture, but we kept our distance, corona in hand I turned to Alice

"It's so busy in here! I can't believe we actually got in" I exclaimed

"with the way we look we could've gotten into Megan Fox's pants" she said with a dreamy look, I bit my lip.

"Are you here for the _alt_ party?" one of the guys asked from across the bar, I opened my mouth to say no, but Alice spoke first

"we might be, why?" I was full fucking confused, what's _alt_?

"We write for the magazine, did you want to come to the V.I.P level? I'm nick this is alexe" the guy with dark hair and darker eyes said as he gestured his head to the blonde hair blue eyed guy next to him. Alice reached her hand across the bar and introduced us, I simply smiled and nodded my head to the beat of the music.

They obviously hadn't picked up on our don't talk to me vibe, because he started telling us all about the V.I.P area. Alice tugged my arm signalling that we should follow as the guys got up and waited for us, we walked past two security guards who didn't even ask for any form of I.D as we headed up the winded stairs that lead to the next level, the environment up here was way more intense then the previous levels, more people, way more people and even that was an understatement, and they could be classed into two different categories, slutty or beautiful, but it appeared that slutty out weighed beautiful.

we were being introduced to people left right and centre as they nodded their heads smiled and we introduced ourselves, I felt uncomfortable and it was making me nervous, I kept held of Alice's hand the entire time.

"can we go to the bar?, I need a drink" I called over the music, Alice nodded then let the guys know that we'd see them after, as we walked to the bar and took a seat

"they're so cute" Alice stated nodding her head and searching my face for a confirmation, I sucked on my bottom lip before turning to the bar tender and ordering a cranberry and vodka, my fourth for the night, as Alice ordered another martini

"I suppose so yeah" I spoke with a weak smile, I could see Alice was buzzed as she pulled out her phone and answered in a rush of words before she hung up

"the groups coming up stairs now to join us!" I took a sip and then Alice straightened her back and looked over my head

"oh they're here now" she said waving Victoria and the other girls over, once we'd all finished our drinks Alice announced it was time to dance seeing there wasn't long till It was my birthday, a 'matter of minutes' she said

we gathered in the centre of the dance floor as the music came through the system, Alice snaked her hands around my hips and we stood between each others legs, raising my hands in the air and moving my body to the rhythm, I slowly realised how much I had to drink, which always seems to happen when I danced and I can feel the pulse of it through out my system, we moved faster as the music did as the girls laughter and mens calls filled the air competing against the DJ, after a while it got too much and I needed an out

"Ali, I need some air, lets go downstairs to the balcony I saw on the way in?" I grabbed her hand as she followed me through the crowd, and we stepped out onto the balcony that wrapped around the club, the sounds of usher filled the air as people continued to dance out here, but it was way less crowded.

I bummed a cigarette and leant back on the wall as Alice pulled out our phones passing me mine, she glanced at the phone and her face lit up

"guess what!" she exclaimed

"what?"

"You're 19! It's 12:03 congratulations!" she screamed as she wrapped her arms around my neck and dragged me in for an air reducing hug, we were both to drunk for that hug as we stumbled and knocked a few people.

I smiled at her excitement as I finished my smoke, the two guys from earlier came on to the balcony and scanned the area before walking over to us

"there you two are, come dance?" the one with blonde hair took my hand and lead us inside we stayed on the bottom level this time, as lady gaga came through and the whole club cheered. Blonde boy spun me around before pulling me against his body as he begun moving, it wasn't sexual and so I went along with it, it was my birthday.

both guys left for a few minutes saying to get us more drinks as Alice took my hand and we danced again, soon enough the guys were back passing Alice and I drinks we threw them back in a matter of seconds as the guys made a blockade between us, separating her and I again. I wasn't sure if five minutes had passed or fifteen, but blonde boy leant in to me neck and asked "why don't we go somewhere more private?" tugging at my hand, I bit my lip and shook my head, feeling dizzy I just wanted to dance with Alice or go outside, he pulled me against him rougher this time and my movements where getting sloppy, I glanced behind him to where Alice was and she was laughing and shaking her hips, I shook my head.

his hands moved across my body and his mouth closed down on my neck

"stop" I spoke, pushing his shoulders with my hands but his only wrapped around my hips tighter

"fucking stop it" I pushed on his chest, and he perked up looking at me with wide eyes as he bumped in to the people behind him

"it's alright, it's fine, come here" he stepped closer going to wrap his arms around me again, I stepped back knocking the person behind me who grabbed me before I fell

"you okay?" the guy asked, I shook my head and he glanced up at alexe and scowled

"you want to come out for a smoke with me?" he asked searching for an answer I nodded and looked at Alice, she was over at the bar with dark haired guy and Victoria cheering away.

"I'm David, lets go for a smoke alright" he said standing behind me and leading me through the crowd holding my lower back as I leant most of my weight on him, we got outside and crouched on the ground, leaning our hands on the cold walls, I turned my head to him

"I'm Bella"

"it's nice to meet you Bella" his phone rang and he pulled it out of his jacket pocket and began talking, I pulled mine out of my clutch

_12 missed calls  
27 messages_

I gulped scrolling through the calls each one being Edward or my mom, the messages were mostly _'happy birthday!' _before I got to Edwards asking where I was and if I was safe and why wasn't I responding, then one saying he was on his way and another saying he was here, I pressed call hoping he would answer but it went straight to voicemail, I tried again before realising it's pointless because the music's to loud inside

I messaged him instead

_outside for smoke  
~ Bella  
_  
I turned to talk to David about the club and he told me his girlfriend worked the bar so scenes like mine weren't that un common, he was genuinely nice_._

"Bella" I heard my name and I pressed my back harder against the wall bracing my arms to stand up, David gathered what I was doing and helped me stand as I heard my name again, jasper came up to me.

"Bells we've been looking for you, where have you been?" he asked as he hugged me and then looked between David and me, he scowled.

"Out here, It was too much in there" I turned to David and thanked him for helping me, hugging him goodbye

jasper shook his head

"who was that?" he asked inclining his head the way David just left

"who was what?" Edward asked from behind me, I spun around to come face to face with him, his jaw was tight, and that wasn't good.

"David, he just helped me that's all" I said to both jasper and Edward as they both held strong facial expressions

"What did you need help for?" Edward asked

"nothing, nothing. I was just dancing with Alice and a guy got too much and wouldn't back off that's all"

"that's all? That's all Bella? Where is he? Who is he?" Edward stood his ground, eyes ablaze

"It doesn't matter Edward" I slurred and put my phone back in my clutch, he lifted my chin and searched my eyes

"are you on drugs? What the hell Bella your pupils are minute, what the fuck are you on" he demanded

"n-n-nothing I haven't taken anything"

"we're going, come on" he spoke wildly, grabbing my hand and pulling me through the crowd heading towards the exit, as we neared the bar I saw Alice and I tugged on Edwards hand signalling towards her, she rushed over and looked at me then Edwards posture

"what's wrong?" she asked obviously concerned

"uh, alexe got a bit um…" I looked up at Edward and he was glaring at the ground "handsy and wouldn't stop and I feel weird, really weird and Edwards mad, so we're going" alices hand went out and rubbed my arm in a comforting manner I could feel every skin molecule and it entranced me but before it got too far, she pulled me in for a hug which was a bit awkward because Edward still hadn't let go of my hand

"Bella" someone called and in a matter of seconds alexe appeared in front of me

"are you going?" I didn't answer I just stood avoiding eye contact, but could feel Edwards eyes on me

"well it was nice meeting you" he extended his hand and I jumped back flinching at his contact, I felt Edwards hand tighten around mine before I looked up at him

"was it him" Edward seethed inclining his head towards alexe

"alexe leave now, if you don't want to get hurt leave" Alice said pushing him back, he didn't budge

"what did you give her" he said through gritted teeth, Alexe's face scrunched up obviously confused, before his face turned into surprise

"just a slip of acid, it wasn't much it will wear of in an hour or two she'll be fine" he said shrugging his shoulders, I saw Edward step forward in my peripheral, he let go of my hand, as he flexed his own, stepping closer to alexe, I stepped forward and grabbed onto his upper arm, tugging but he wouldn't budge, I tried harder and he finally looked down at me

"please don't" I whispered, he looked between alexe and I, I felt his muscles recoil under his jacket

"he hurt you"

"and seeing you get hurt will hurt me, I just want to go home" I choked out

He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and drew me in and kissed my head and stepping down as we turned away he pointed to alexe

"another time, I'm going to find you and I'm going to fucking kill you for this" he spat out as we hurried through the club and into a taxi, Edward pulled me into his side as we sat in the back seat

"where are we going" I asked staring up at him through my lashes

"home" he answered, kissing my head again, I closed my eyes but felt restless, we got to Edwards and he led me out of the taxi keeping a hold of me the entire time as we walked up the stairs and he unlocked the door. He led me to the couch where he sat me down and said he would be back in a moment, I saw the torn look in his eyes as he wondered if I would be okay whilst he was gone, I nodded. He was back what felt like a second later holding a plate with a slice of toast with jelly on it, he placed it on my lap as I picked it up and he nodded at it glancing at me as I tore it to shreds, I picked small pieces up chewing but not swallowing and instead letting them drop from my mouth on to the plate and picking a new piece up and repeating the process, he growled and I could tell it wasn't at me, it was at the situation. He stood up and I followed as he held my hand and lead me down the corridor and turned into a bathroom, he lifted me on the bench and began to fill the sink with water, he grabbed a wash cloth and dipped it in and I reached up to meet the warmth, I closed my eyes as he slowly wiped the makeup off my face, I sighed, it felt amazing. I hummed in approval until he stopped and I opened my eyes, he looked so broken.

"what's wrong" I asked frowning

"I hate seeing you like this, so confused and so manic"

"sorry" I spoke softly cupping his cheek with my hand

"you know it's not your fault" he leant down to kiss me and I jumped back, he sighed in obvious frustration

"sorry"

"stop apologising, your coming down I can see it, plus your hands are shaking" he held onto them for a little while

"lets go to bed and just lay down" he said helping me up from the counter and into the room next door, I stood in the centre of the room before he looked at me and went to the chest of draws and pulled out some clothes, he came over and stood in front of me

"do you need help" he asked, I nodded.

He tucked a wisp of hair behind my ear and leant his head on my shoulder and kissed it gently, I didn't flinch this time.

"I'm sorry" I said again, he looked up at me

"baby I told you this isn't your fault and I'm so sorry this happened, I should've been there sooner, I hate that I wasn't" he said as he undid the buckle on my shoes and individually took them off, before un doing the zipper on my leather pants, holding my hips to steady me as he took them off, he pulled my top off as I held my hands in the air, we kept eye contact the entire time, I stood in my underwear and strapless bra as he looked me up and down then looked in my eyes again, I stepped forward and began to pull his jacket off

"what are you doing" he asked as he held my hand as I went for the other sleeve

"I showed you mine, you show me yours" I said indicating to his clothes, he smiled and let go of my hand as I un did the buttons on his shirt, he kicked his shoes off and I undid the zipper on his pants as he took a deep intake of his breath, I pulled them down, and left him standing there in his briefs, he cupped my cheek and leant in and kissed me, I shivered and felt goose bumps rise.

He leant over to the bed and grabbed a shirt for me, as he helped me put it on, pulling my arms through, we climbed onto the bed and he pulled the covers over me as we lay on our sides just staring, I felt my body shake slightly and he closed his eyes tightly

"I hate seeing you like this" he repeated, I went to speak and he cut me off

"don't say sorry" he came closer to me and tucked my head under his chin and held me

"I'm not tired" I spoke into his chest

"I know baby, you won't be for a little while, just lay here until you get tired"

"I'm scared"

"nothing will happen, I'll look after you, your just coming down, that's the hard part I promise, I won't let go, try and sleep, fight through it"

"everything aches"

"I know" he said kissing my head and rubbing my back

"I'm cold"

"I know" he said quieter this time kissing my head and rubbing my back

"I can't stop shaking"

"I know, it will pass" he whispered, rubbing his hand along the curve of my spine

"don't let go" I spoke closing my eyes and clutching on to him

"I won't, ever" he said holding tighter

"I know" I said, leaning up and kissing under his chin.


	14. Crooken Teeth

**Just so you know why I know about the end of the last chapter, my best friend was like that when she came to my house before we went to a party and she was on it and I had made dinner for her and she sat there chewed it and put it back on the plate it sounds silly but it was heart breaking to watch because her eyes looked beyond confused I hated it and later that night when we got home she was shivering and I was just holding her and she couldn't do anything and her muscles kept tensing and it was horrible to watch, comes down can last for a variety of hours and are different for everyone they usually last for 12 hours.**

I was mind fucked, completely and utterly mind fucked. I sat on Edward's couch clutching a cup of juice with a blanket tucked securely around me as my eyes glanced every inch of his apartment, it was pristine and so very Edward. I knew it wasn't early and that the sun was already up and I knew when Edward finally woke he would have questions and a lot of them, and I really wanted a muffin.

I walked back into Edwards's room and grabbed my phone checking my messages, there were countless birthday messages and more missed calls from my mom, then there was Alice.

_Where are you?  
~ Alice_

What happened, is Edward pissed off?  
~ Alice

Why aren't you replying?  
~ Alice  
  
I messaged her back quickly

_At Edwards, he wasn't pissed off at me just the night  
I'm about to get breakfast for us  
He is asleep still  
~ Bella  
_  
I didn't expect her to reply for a while she probably just crashed as soon as she got in. I grabbed my pants from the foot of Edwards bed and pulled them on along with my shoes I then got a white business shirt from Edwards closet and did half the buttons up and tucked one side into the front of my pants I went to the bathroom to brush my hair but instead flipped it and shook it out a bit, I wiped the smudge of left over eye liner from underneath my eye, I looked fragile. But kinda cute.

I grabbed my wallet from my clutch on Edwards counter and left him a note letting him know I was getting breakfast and cigarettes leaving the note in place where my wallet was I walked back into his bedroom and leant over and kissed him on the corner of his mouth, he stirred a little and I stayed still until I was completely sure he was asleep again.

Getting outside I realised just how cold it was, I walked to the first starbucks thanking the gods that it was open, once getting Edward a coffee and myself a chai and two vanilla bean muffins I walked into the milk bar and got two packets of _PJ Golds _and went back to Edwards apartment. Unlocking the door with the key I found on top of his fridge I went inside and held the door to gently close it trying not to wake Edward

"where were you" I jumped nearly spilling the drinks on myself and in the process dropping the cigarettes, I turned around to find Edward coming from the kitchen his hair a obvious sign he'd been tugging on it and his eyes frantic

"I went and got breakfast" I said leaning down and picking up the two packs before putting the drinks and muffins on the table once I looked at him again his posture wasn't as tense but he was still not normal, not Edward

"I thought you left, I was worried that you'd…I don't know…freaked out or something" he ran his hands through his hair again and tugged keeping his eyes cast down, I walked towards him and slowly pulled his hand to release his hair as I ran my own hands through it he sighed and lifted my chin to make me look at him

"are you okay this morning?" he asked obviously concerned

"no but it will only last a few more hours then I will be I promise" giving him a small smile, he exhaled and wrapped his arms around me, I relaxed into him, before we both sat down for breakfast. We ate in silence for a while before Edward finally broke it

"I want to kill him"

"Edward don't be silly, I'll be alright just give me some time okay?"

"He didn't try anything with you did he" Edwards hands tightened on his cup, and I ran my fingers across his hands in hopes he would relax

"Bella answer my question"

"he tried to kiss me" I said choosing to leave out the mention of the continuous groping

before Edward could speak again my phone went off with a new message

_I want to make it up to you!  
is Edward mad at me?  
Let's do dinner tonight for you're proper birthday celebration  
then go dancing if you're up to it?  
or just dinner you choose  
I'm really sorry __ !  
~ Alice  
_  
"Alice Is wondering if you're mad at her and she wants to do dinner tonight to try and fix my birthday and dancing if I feel up to it" I didn't look at him because I already knew he wouldn't like the idea of me going to a club again right now, I was pushing It I know

"I'm not mad at her like I'm not mad at you, just the situation. I don't want you doing too much tonight but dinner is good, I can take you to the place and meet you there after to make sure you're safe if you want?" whilst he was talking he kept his eyes locked with mine as his arms tightened around me

"I want you to come too, and the guys I don't think Alice will mind really, do you want to come"

"of course" Edward said immediately he leant down and brushed his lips with mine before laying a chaste kiss on them

_Ali, the boys are coming too  
where do you want to eat?  
~ Bella  
_

_I'm fine with that ;)  
yum cha sound good?  
I'll message you the address around 6ish we can meet at around 8?  
~ Alice_

I turned to face Edward realising he'd been reading over my shoulder anyway, he pulled out his phone and messaged jasper and Emmett to meet us at my place at 7:30. I stretched out causing Edward to laugh as I groaned at my muscles locking back in place

"I need a bath, I smell like vodka and mistakes"

"did you want us to go back to your apartment so you don't have to wear my clothes tonight? Although I like you in my clothes" Edward played with the few buttons I had undone on his shirt, and I really liked that he said 'us' an obvious sign he wasn't leaving me today

"yeah lets do that, I want a bath but we need to pick me up bubble mixture the strawberry kind on the way just from the supermarket is good"

"such a kid" he muttered, which caused me to smack his chest and him to fake gasp

"did you want to stay at mine tonight and tomorrow we can head into work together?" I was slightly nervous to ask, we seemed cliché already, I liked it but I wasn't sure if he did

"I don't want to leave you Bella" he scooted out from behind me jumping over the back of the couch and I could hear his foot steps down the hall way

"I'll grab my stuff for tonight and tomorrow then will get your bubble bath?" he called out from his room

"sounds enjoyable" I called back, I saw my phone light up on the table with a new message

_just because we don't talk doesn't mean I don't care  
you're ALWAYS on my mind, have a nice birthday  
_  
I didn't have to look at the number to know who it was, every few months I got a random message that went from telling me to have a good day to saying goodnight, I hate ex not-so-boyfriends who toy around with you, I didn't reply. Once Edward had his bag we went and got my bubble bath from the market then went back to mine, I went straight to the bathroom and used double the amount of mixture then necessary I went into my room to find Edward on my bed, cross legged and staring around my room like I did with his last night. I pulled off my pants and took off all my jewellery, which left me in Edwards shirt which caused him to groan and his eyes filled with lust

"join me for a bubble bath?" I asked innocently

"you're not helping with the situation"

"you don't know that" I retorted, I undid the buttons of his shirt in walked into the bathroom and pulled off everything else and chucked it into the laundry basket, I turned off the water and climbed into my bubble bath tying my hair up to keep it from getting wet. Edward walked in and laughed at me to the point that his eyes watered, I scrunched up my nose in confusion before he pulled out his phone and held it up I covered my face

"what the fuck are you doing!"

"taking a picture you look adorable as fuck, put your arms down" I refused and I could hear him coming closer, I kept my arms in place

"I'll put my arms down if you come in with me" I propositioned

"deal, arms down first though" I slowly pulled my arms down just as Edwards phone went off and he pulled it closer to examine

I pointed to his clothing "off and come in" I said laying back against the tiled wall

he smirked and undid the buckle on his pants, pulled his t shirt over his head and then finally thank the gods pulled down his briefs and I admit I licked my lips which caused him to groan and me to giggle

"it's no laughing matter Bella" him saying this only caused me to laugh more, he growled and came into the bath quickly causing a lot of the water to splash over, I couldn't control my laughter which caused him to laugh at me, and then to splash me. I frowned.

"are you feeling better?" it had to be the millionth time he'd asked today but I adored him for it

"no still shitty, still mind fucked" I was honest, there was no point lying to him about the fact that my head was all over the place

"it's hard to be this far away from you whilst your naked" of course Edward would turn his cute and caring statement before hand into the fact that this is the first time his seen me naked and yet I'm covered up, he reached forward and grabbed my wrists gently pulling me towards him, I pulled back making it difficult for him, he frowned and looked fucking adorable, I turned around and he wrapped his arms around my stomach before placing me in between his legs, I leant my head back on his chest

"I'm going to be a gentlemen no foul play I promise" Edward said kissing my head

"what if I want foul play" I said stroking his upper thigh, he inhaled a sharp breath before speaking

"I can't when I know your not in your right state of mind, I can't do that to you" he spoke gently obviously hoping I understand, I nodded my head and he held me tighter

"do you want to talk about last night?" I asked him wondering why I hadn't had a thousand questions thrown my way yet

"no I don't think I could deal with hearing it, do..you want to?" he asked reluctantly

"I'd prefer to forget about it"

"I still want to kill him" Edward spoke through gritted teeth

"I do too" I said softly

Edward and I stayed in the bath in silence until the water got cold and our skin was all pruney and the bubbles faded, Edward stood up from behind me and got out, turning the heater on before getting two towels, he held his hand out to me to help me out, he wrapped a towel around his waist and I waited patiently for mine

"towel?" I asked, eye brows raised

"not yet, I'm busy" he spoke harshly faking anger as he stood there obviously eye fucking me which made me twitch in excitement, finally when I crossed my arms over my chest he seemed to snap back to attention and pass me a towel, wrapped around me before tucking it in just above my left breast.

"Enjoy the show?" I asked ruffling out my slightly damp her

"oh very much so" he spoke mischievously

When I was dressed in some leggings and one of Edwards over sized sweat shirts, we climbed into bed

"I need to give you your birthday present because so far there's nothing very birthday like about today"

Edward leant over my bed grabbing his bag from the floor, rifling through it before producing two different packages, the first one was a piece of paper neatly rolled up with a bow on top, I undid the bow and un scrawled the paper to find a drawing of tea cups diagonally stacked filled with English roses, it was beautiful

"I noticed that your upper thighs don't have any ink and I just thought if you, well you know wanted to, you don't have to it's just an um, it's silly never mind" he reached to take the paper back, but before he could I hid it behind my back and straddled him pining his arms down

"how soon can you put it on me" his face lit up when I asked him and I leant down and kissed him and I could feel him smiling against my lips, he broke the kiss first

"tomorrow morning" he said stroking my face free of loose hair, tucking it behind my ears

"it's beautiful" gazing at the drawing I ran my fingers over it, it couldn't be more perfect

"open your next present" he gestured towards the awkwardly wrapped gift resting on the pillow, I leant back, grabbing the present and shaking it awaiting some sort of noise

"did you wrap it yourself" I smirked flipping it over trying to find where the sticky tap started, he nodded and I kissed him again because it was just impossible not too.

I unwrapped it in a hastily speed once I found the beginning and the end of the tape, only to find a large velvet draw string bag, I opened that reveal a box _'marc jacobs' _printed across the front, Edward laughed at my obvious change of mood from frustration of so many layers too pure joy of anything that is Marc Jacobs, I lifted the lid to reveal new season black suede shoes, I squealed and loud very loud. Attacking Edward with kisses before coming up for air

"there's no words, these are beautiful" I said holding them up to see them for all they are under the light

"thank you baby" I said pulling him up by his shirt,

His smile stretched across his face as he wrapped his arms around me to bring me back against his chest, while my breath caught in my throat at the look on his face. His eyes were locked with mine and his hand reached up and caressed my face. He'd never looked so amazing. "you're welcome." He said

I shrieked slightly as he crashed us back down on to my bed his relieved sigh once we just held each other, brushing his lips gently against mine once more. " I never knew it only took a pair of shoes to get you in to bed."

"Me either," I murmured against his lips, my fingers tracing the contours of his face, as the intensity of the kiss increased. My phone began to vibrate on the bed side table "Never without interruptions are we?"

He lifted his head to me, grinning as he shook his head. "Can you check it for me, It will be Alice with the address, I should start getting ready."

"Mmm, and we continue later?," he smirked before claiming my lips again with such ferocity.

The room around us was intense and I knew if I didn't get out now I wouldn't be making dinner reservations any time soon. I climbed off the bed and headed to the bathroom to do my makeup.

Coming out of the bathroom I found Edward wasn't in my room, I figured he went to the kitchen for something to eat. I went to the closet and pulled out an outfit, a red t-shirt tight dress with over the knee black suede boots, grabbing a leather jacket to finish it off.

"Edward I'm ready, when are the boys getting here?" I called walking down the hallway

rounding the corner into the kitchen I found Edward sitting on one of the stools in front of the table top

"earth to Edward?" I said waving my hand in front of him, he looked up and handed my phone towards me

_Babe, did you get my first message?  
Reply soon, I love you._

The same number as before. When I looked back at Edward the word 'pissed' didn't even cover it, his face was furious and he hadn't even said anything as of yet.

"let me explain" I said stepping closer to him

"oh please do I'd love to hear this" he snatched the phone back off me and scrawled to the one that I was sent earlier, my eyes widened knowing how he read that and how he would perceive it

"it's really not what you think" taking my phone back off him and putting it on the counter, he didn't even look like he wanted to listen to me

"explain" was all he said keeping his eyes down, still staring at my phone on the counter as though it could come alive any second

"his my ex-sort-of-had-an-intense-fling" I spoke sporadically, Edward didn't say anything so I continued

"I left him back in Australia we had this thing for a while and it ended badly…very badly and I deleted his number that's why it doesn't come up on the screen and I thought he had deleted mine but obviously not, but I didn't reply, I didn't" I said gesturing to the phone itself, Edward was silent for a few minutes before he finally spoke

"how long did you and him have a 'thing' for?"

"about eight months" I answered honestly, his face scrunched up

"were you intimate with him" he asked, nostrils flaring

"of course I had sex with him Edward, I'm not a little girl you couldn't expect me not to have sex in a relationship" his eyes narrowed at me saying this, and I matched his glare

"when was the last time you had sex with him?" oh shit.

"a week before I came here it was like I don't know a goodbye fuck, seriously do you actually want to know this shit? Do I ask you about your sexual relationships and whose legs you've been between?"

instead of responding to me he asked another question

"did you love him?" there was an awkward tension in the air when he asked this

"I thought I did" I said, Edward closed his eyes tightly before rubbing his forehead, it was odd

"I was wrong though I know that, it was lust on my part I know that for sure, and I know that him and I were bad together, beyond bad. He's in my past so why can't you leave him there?"

"because his trying to get in to your present"

"did I respond?" I asked, he shook his head

"was I happy about it" I asked, he shook his head

"are you happy about it" he growled and I laughed and stepped towards him he wrapped his arms around me forcing me to sit on his lap

"I hate to think of you with any one else and I know I couldn't expect you to not have sex even though I want to immediately kill anyone has had their hands on you, but please don't reply to him" it wasn't an order I knew this, I could see in his eyes that he was insecure about it, I nodded my head and pressed my lips with his

"wasn't planning too"

"want to tell me the names and locations of other people you've had sex with?" He asked, I thought he was joking but he looked pretty serious

"that would be a long list.." he growled and I laughed "…kidding" I said rolling my eyes and hoping up to answer the door hearing Emmett's booming laughter from the other side.


	15. West Coast

**My ex-not-so-boyfriend messaged me Saturday asking if he can bring his girlfriend to my party, option A) let him bring her I've already seen a photo of her I'm cuter way cuter and I'll be overly nice to her so that he has to put up with her talking about how nice I am option B) say that he can't bring her, option C) hook up with one of his friends that his bringing as well and let him and his girlfriend see this occur?  
oh and by the way, I got a new Marc Jacobs bracelet and I love it so much.  
**  
Inside _Golden Panda_ was crazy crowded. Several of the tables normally used for dining served as stages had dancers which I assumed was a traditional dance. I saw that there was a DJ booth in the corner which was filling the room with a low hum of music. Waiters manoeuvred their way through the thick crowd whilst pushing carts of tiny dumplings and chicken skewers and honestly, things I couldn't recognise.

I glanced around searching for Alice. After the awkward night last night I was hoping I would be in the clear and she wouldn't mention it, I noticed her at the bar, talking to some guy and looking peppy as ever in an animal print dress. Edward was holding my hand and caught sight of her at about the same time all four of us crossed the room in a few quick strides aware of the amount of people around us, I kept squeezing my eyes shut for a couple of seconds trying to keep focus and not freak out so much.

"Alice" I said, tapping her shoulder, she quickly spun around diverting her attention from the guy next to her she looked a little surprised but I couldn't work out why but she hoped up quickly and bought me in for a tight hug which was a little awkward because Edward hadn't let go of me so it was like a weird three sum tango hug.

"Bella! I'm so happy you came, come come they have our table this way" she said after kissing the guys cheeks before grabbing my other hand and walking us towards a circular table with a small _'reserved'_ sign in the centre, of course Alice booked.

after a few minutes of talking about the restraunt and plate after plate being unloaded on to our table I hated the sounds of the carts it was like fingernails to a chalk board, squeezing my eyes shut and counting 5,4,3,2 I felt Edwards hand slip from mine and move to rest on my thigh squeezing it reassuringly, I snapped my eyes open then looked at him to smile as he mouthed the words 'are you okay' I smiled and nodded.

looking across the table at Alice whose sad smile hadn't left her face every time she caught my eye , I smiled back at her as brightly as I could muster up

"how was your night Alice?" I asked leaning forward a little, she looked awkward and Edward tensed up with a mention of last night, after fumbling over her words for a few minutes she finally answered

"it was…good, I went home with that guy I was dancing with he was cute really nice and I got his number we're doing drinks later tonight" Alice said as she fiddled with her rings and continuously nodding, it was fucking strange and it was messing with my head because I didn't understand it. I looked around the table at Emmett who was stuffing his face which made me crack a smile then I looked at Jasper whose eyes were cast down before he looked up at me when he noticed my staring and his eyes looked so sad, I didn't get it. I squeezed my eyes shut again and counted. Opening my eyes back up

"that's really good Alice you should introduce me one time if anything progresses" I winked at her and then nodded, pulling my napkin from the table and pulling at the frayed bits before ending up with three small piles of little pink pieces of napkin

"why is she doing that?" Alice blurted out, my head shot up to notice everyone staring at me and Edwards hand move from my thigh back to my hands holding them as my nails dug into my skin before he made them stop

"I didn't do anything, I didn't do anything I just told you" I glanced at Alice then Edward unsure of what was happening

"she's mind fucked Alice that's what, so whilst you talk about your night of how once your friend was drugged and I took her home and had to help her undress and convince her that her teeth were a part of her body and that scratching them wouldn't result in anything but pain and watching as she searched each room before she would stay in it and holding on to her whilst she couldn't sleep because she was in so much pain, you were having an orgasm and getting a guys number, the guy whose friend did this to your friend that's what's why she's doing that" Edward spat pointing at the napkin

"I talked to him about it, he said he didn't know and that he was um that he was sorry" Alice responded fiddling with the clutch on her purse, the clicking was hurting my head it was constant.

Edward jerked around at the sound of her voice, I'd never seen his face look so angry so frightening. I wasn't sure what to think, Jasper looked anxious and Emmett had stopped eating

"you've got to be joking" Edward said shaking his head

I needed a cigarette and I wanted Jasper to come with me so I could make his eyes happy again

"jasper" I said leaning over and tugging the sleeve of his jacket, he looked up at me and smiled

"can we go out for a cigarette please?" I asked giving puppy dog face, he looked at Edward then back at me and nodded, Edwards hands released after I promised I would be back in a few minutes, I pushed my chair back and jasper stood taking my hand in his, it wasn't how Edward did it though it was different, It was in a protective friend kind of way, once outside he lit up then passed it to me but once he saw how my hands were shaking he held it to my lips before I inhaled

"why are your eyes sad?" I asked turning towards him, he chuckled before cracking a smile at me

"that's cute" he said before continuing "it's hard to watch you like this, I used to be like this a bit for a while and I just don't like watching you like this" he said gesturing to me, I stepped forward and wrapped my arms around him

"I'm okay I pinky promise" he held on tighter when I spoke and when he did I realised just how tired I was and how sore everything felt

"Edward" Jasper said louder then expected

"no I'm Bella" I said looking up at him confused

"no silly Edwards behind you" Jasper released me and turned my shoulders around where I found Edward smirking obviously at my previous comment

"do you want to go home baby?" he asked taking my hand, I nodded before turning to say goodbye to Jasper kissing him on the cheek making him promise twice that he would tell Alice and Emmett that I said goodbye and he assured me he would.

Once back at my apartment Edward went into the kitchen whilst I went in to the bedroom and got changed into some boy shorts and Edwards rugby jumper and tucking under the covers fiddling with my phone before glancing up to see Edward in the doorway holding a frosted pink cupcake with a single candle and sparkler in the middle as he sung me happy birthday and sat down Indian style in front of me as I couldn't contain my smile at how sweet he was, I waited for the sparkler to finish before I blew out my candle, swiping my finger in the frosting holding it up to Edwards mouth before he sucked my finger in which made him hum in delight, he then did the same to me before we continued feeding each other the cupcake until the bed was filled with crumbs and I had frosting in my hair, we looked silly but I felt perfect

"you're 19 now that you blew the candle out, it's official"

"well your still old I mean older then me, so that makes me feel a thousand times better about my aging" I said matter of factly

he leant over and put the plate on the ground before sliding under the covers with me and linking our fingers together and kissing my temple

"happy birthday Bella"

"happy birthday to you too" I said which caused him to chuckle

"you'll be okay tomorrow I promise"

"I believe you"


	16. Love the way you lie

**okay guys, sorry it took a while I've been busy and the computer got so many virus' it was crazy and I'm incredibly sick so no fun. But in 9 days I turn 18, my tattoo is booked for the 29****th**** July at 3pm so 30 minutes after I finish school for the day, please review it would make me very happy  
**

Opening my eyes to see sunlight flicker through the marginally opened with light scattered In patterns around the room, I tilted my head up to find Edward still sleeping but murmuring slightly in his sleep, which was the cutest thing ever. Slowly moving away and placing my pillow on Edwards chest in my place hoping to even out the weight ratio just a little I climbed out the bed and tip toed to the bathroom, turning the bath on and tying my hair up, sitting on the edge of the tub waiting for the bath to fill, my eyes scanned my features in the mirror, I still looked a little pale, even for me. And for once I noticed how skinny I actually looked and how much thinner I had been getting within the last year, I'll blame that on stress from home. Climbing in the bath to settle under the heat of the steaming water.

After my skin was pruney, I climbed out and wrapped a towel around before going back into my room, a lining for the closest. Pulling out gathered leggings, an over sized farmers shirt and letting down my hair. Applying some loose powder and mascara I was set.

"Bella" I heard Edward call from the bedroom, I peered my head around the door to smile at his dishevelled form

"morning baby" I responded before putting down the mascara on the bench and climbing back onto the bed in to Edwards arms, leaning up to kiss him

"mm you taste like mint" he moaned, I giggled as he kissed me again murmuring 'so minty', after a few minutes of a make out session he pulled me to sit in front of him

"are you feeling alright today?" sounding genuinely concerned

"I am now" leaning back into kiss him again, Edward pulled away before we got to carried away

"no really Bella, are you feeling good?"

"Much better I promise, so how about that tattoo today?"

"sounds good" Edward said winking at me, reaching over the bed and grabbing a shirt from his duffle bag and pulling it on, sliding some jeans and running his hands through his hair a few times

"ready to go?" he asked, he had literally taken under 5 minutes go get ready

"I never know how boys do that" I said gesturing to his appearance, Edward chuckled at me as I went and grabbed my bag from the front counter and slid on my peach suede shoes, grabbing my hand we headed out the door, me leaning back to lock up before heading towards the shop.

when we went inside, it was fairy busy, both em and jasper were set up at stations and the phone was ringing as we entered, which caused the boys to look up, and both to smirk before returning back to work, Edward leaned over the counter and started talking to a client on the phone

"Bella, can you come here for a second?" jasper called, pushing his chair from his client a man who looked late 30's as jasper set up a stencil for a chest piece

"what do you think? Something's wrong with just the dove in the middle there's something missing, opinion?" he asked clicking his tongue as I stood there staring at it, contemplating before grabbing a sharpie from my bag and kneeling down in front of the guy, drawing the hands of god just below the dove, as though it's releasing it, turning back to jasper he was smirking at me as I looked up at the guy to see him nod to jasper

"is it alright?" I asked

"perfect" the guy said, before jasper grabbed the gun and started it up, pressing down on the guy's skin, walking back to Edward I found him looking at the piece he had drawn up for me with his brows furrowed and a pencil between his fingers tapping at the counter top

"don't change a thing on that paper, I'm warning you, Edward touch it and you'll face the consequences" I said sternly taking the pencil from his hand, he wrapped his arms around my waist before lifting me up on the counter and kissing the corner of my mouth

"I wouldn't dare to do such a thing, are you ready to get set up? We'll work out the back room I think" he picked me up again placing me on the ground, linking his fingers with mine as I grabbed my bag again from the floor and we headed out in to the back room, ignoring em's subtle wolf whistles, real smooth.

closing the door, watching Edward set up the cart and stick the original drawing onto the small mirror above my chair, once gloves were on he finally looked up at me and gestured for me to take my pants off, I winked before kicking off my shoes and sliding the leggings down and walking over to stand with my back facing him so he could place the translucent on, it was cold and I shivered, especially with Edwards hands on my upper thighs, it wasn't making the case any easier to be honest

"done, would you prefer to lie down or stand?" I turned to face him as I noticed his eyes move from where my black lace covered ass was just a second again, he smirked obviously not being ashamed at being caught

"I'm still a little sluggish, so I'd prefer to be on the table yeah" I said climbing up and laying down, angling my self to be easiest for him, the buzz of the needle started before his gloved covered hand pressed down holding my skin where as the other held the gun as he began to press it to my thigh, I turned my ipod on filling the room with 'love the way you lie' as I felt Edward press down on the tender flesh, I winced a little a few times, as I heard Edward faintly laugh each time I did so.

we spoke through out the two hour process but Edward was a little slow replying obviously trying to focus his hardest and not miss any detail

"what time are you working until tonight?" I asked him, waiting for him to respond

"until close with jasper, em's off early to for date night with Rosalie, whipped" he mumbled the last part, I nodded in agreement, resting my head down on my crossed arms

"what are you doing tonight?" he asked after a few minutes

"going to h-wood I think" I bit my lip not to laugh at how I knew he would react, but even quicker Edward stopped the gun and slid his chair up so it was level with me

"what?" he asked, seeming stunned

"I'm kidding baby" I pushed my body up kissing him before sliding my arms around his neck and tugging at his hair loving how he moaned in response

"no fair" he pouted, sliding the chair back down so he could work on my thigh again

"I'll be here, with take away and my laptop watching a movie until you finish duh" I spoke as though it was the most obvious thing ever, we continued small talk whilst he finished off shading the tea cups, until he was finished then he helped me up so I could take a look, standing in front of the mirror, I turned my head so I could see the stack of tea cups surrounded by roses, and it looked fucking beautiful, a brilliant art piece cascading on my thigh, I squealed and covered Edward in kisses

"E, this is amazing your truly incredible" I watched as his eyes lit up and he crashed his lips with mine before pulling me back to the table so he could bandage it up

"you need to wear some looser pants or you'll find that burns like a bitch, did you want to go home and get your laptop and change and come back then we can go get dinner?" he asked as I pulled the leggings back on, nodding I got my bag from the counter, wrapping my arms around his waist

"thankyou for the tattoo, it truly is beautiful" he smiled back down at me, kissing the corner of his mouth I left to hurry home back home and change.

once inside I grabbed my harem black gold button high waisted pants that sat loosely, before changing to black flats and sliding on my glasses before ducking out again, walking back to the store, noticing a small pink boutique a block from the store, called _sassy kitten, _I immediately noticed the mannequins out front covered in what can only be describes as adorable as fuck lingerie, my eyes sparkled at the idea as I ran to cross the street before entering.

Once inside, I noticed the store kind of looked like if a hooker met wonderland and spent all her skank money on it. Walking around I picked up bits and pieces to try on coming up to the change rooms with 5 sets, coming back out satisfied with all of them, a mix of lace, ruffles and sheer material I knew Edward would appreciate it, once I paid I then continued to the shop coming back inside just as Edward was finishing up talking to a client, his eyes diverted to me and he smiled as I came in, picking up on conversation a moment later, I sat on the couch Indian style with the bag rested between my legs waiting for him to finish. After a few minutes he came over to me and crouched down to become eye level with me

"back so soon" he commented

"did you miss me?" I retorted

"didn't even notice" I faked shock and he chuckled and came closer to kiss me as the bag crinkled between us causing the most distracting noise

"and what may that be" he gestured to the bag, sitting crumpled in my lap

"have you been a good boy?" I asked

"only the best" he smirked back at me, I opened the bag for him as he reached in and pulled the first pair of underwear out, which were ruffled black boy shorts with little white bows on them that had clips attached for garter belts

"baby, that's not fair to show me when they're not on you"

"well blame yourself for being nosy, but if it makes you feel better there are plenty more that you haven't seen that we can keep for a surprise" I said taking the pink pair away and tying the bag in a knot, laughing as Edward continuously tried to peak in to see what was there

placing the bag on the ground and reaching for Edwards hands to pull him forward to rest his body weight on me, I slowly pulled his bottom lip between my teeth before biting down causing Edward to groan and move further up on couch, sliding his hands under me, so I could wrap my legs around him, he slid us back further before we fully laid down

"ow ow fuck, Edward leg! Edward leg, Jesus Christ" I nearly screamed the last part out as he jumped back off the couch as though he had been scolded

"fuck, Bella are you alright?" he asked cupping my cheek, my eyes were closed trying to get the stinging feeling away, before blinking and slowly opening them

"yeah a little tender I think"

"more like a lot tender" Edward commented

"I guess you'll have to go easy on me then" I winked, pulling him back down on top of me.


	17. Cocaine

**I got the tattoo and just so you guys know in case you don't have tattoo's, getting it done was a massive turn on like I wanted to turn around and mount the artist, the whole time I kept biting my lip trying not to moan, is that to much information?**

**Sorry! Here is the next chapter, I'm still sick so I doubt it will be any good but I felt bad for making you guys wait so long, I sometimes wonder if anyone is still reading this or if those of you who used to read it got sick of reading it.**

Tapping the end of the led pencil against the glass counter I tried to make sure I included every little detail in my sketch pad. Filled with arrays of colour and sketches of pieces that I held closest to my heart that I wouldn't dare to let anybody see without putting up a fight to the death first, I was working on a piece that I'm not sure if it meant nothing or everything, it was a creation of anatomical hearts and steel scissors being wound together with a delicate peacock feather it was beyond random but it what was on paper before I realised I had started, I hadn't known how long I had been in my own little world it was only jasper and I here and dusk was settling along the horizon with the faint glow reflecting off the back wall, my muscles ached indicating I had been sitting on the counter for more then a while. Stretching out and hearing the casual clicks and kinks I rotated my wrists before looking across at jasper who was blantly looking up at me from his customer pulling a face at me that could only be described as comical, so I stuck my tongue out at him before he settled back to work.

I had already had all my scheduled customers today but I was here until eleven in case there where walk-ins and just so I could man the phones whilst jasper had two more customers ahead of him, sucker.

I hadn't seen Edward for five days and it was getting on my nerves a little, he headed back home to Seattle for a family friends birthday, he insisted that I should come but I had clients and I wasn't sure if we were at that well stage yet, there hadn't been a talk or a sign of monogamy other then the obvious spark of jealous that would put fire in our eyes if we saw anyone near either one of us, I missed him and there had been frequent texts and casual calls before bed. My phone vibrating next to the sketch pad I picked it, opening to find another message from Edward

_I miss you_

_~ E_

I wrote back quickly not caring to seem to eager

_I miss the taste of your breath and the feel of your heartbeat_

_~ B_

Shortly after my phone went off again, making me smile knowing that he was as keen as I was

_I miss your smile and the depths of your eyes_

_~ E_

We were freaking corny but no one else could see so there was no judgemental grossed out gag worthy talk

Before I could even form a reply my phone went off again

_I miss how it feels to let go of reality with you_

_~ E_

I couldn't even hide the smile from my face.

"B, could you do us a favour and handle my next client I think this one will take a while longer and I don't want to make the guy wait, his a regular" jasper asked with immense amount of hesitance in his voice

"Yeah, what time will they be in?" I asked trying to scan the books for his next appointment, whilst closing my phone and putting it behind the counter

"In about 15, is that alright?"

"15 is good" I said hoping off the counter and smiling at him walking over to my station and getting it prepared whilst jasper quickly showed me the designs the guy had bought in with him looking to get done, it was a simple piece and would take no longer then three hours, just a rose with the words 'let us be judged by only ourselves' wrapped around the stem, I sat down and sketched up a clearer picture of what the guy may be looking at before cleaning the station down as I heard the bell on the door go, looking up I smiled and introduced myself to him making sure he was comfortable with me taking over for jasper he said he trusted jaspers judgement in me, I showed him the piece and after we made some minor changes he was leaning over the chair as I shaved the section of his back I needed clear and then pressed the needle down. Just after three hours later, I wiped him back down of pooling ink before showing him In the mirror he smiled and thanked me as I bandaged him up, once the customer left I turned to find jasper in the back room working on another customer, I told him I was going to grab something to eat and said I would bring him some back soon as well, grabbing my purse and checking my phone replying to Edward

_Sorry baby, had to cover for one of Jasper's clients, come back soon _

_~ B_

Whilst waiting for the wanton noodle soup to be made up my phone lit up with two new messages

_Come to a party tonight? _

_~ Alice_

_Is Em working as well or just you and Jazz? What time do you finish tonight, late night phone sex ;)?_

_~ E_

Even when he was cocky he was still cute as hell.

_Al, I'm at work till 11 so it looks like a no go_

_~ B_

And then replying to Edward

_Just Jazz and i. I finish at 11, Alice is trying to con me in to going to a party with her, late night phone sex tomorrow night? how's home?_

_~ B_

I felt like it was a constant debate as my phone kept lighting up

_I'll be at yours at 11:30, no one goes to a party in L.A before 12 anyway, I need to teach you things Bella!_

_~ A_

I scowled at her obvious ignorance to the fact that I'm tired from work already and it was only 10 past 9

_Fine, but I'll be in a cab home by 1, see you at mine dork._

_~ B_

Grabbing my order and walking back to the shop and leaving jaspers in the kitchenette, then settling myself on the couch and opening my message from Edward

_Just you and Alice, what time will you be home I'll call you when you get there before you head out?_

_~ E_

_I'll be home at like 11 the latest I'm going to ask Jazz if I can leave at 10:30, I'm sore __! And I'm not sure if it's just Alice and I _

_Call me at 11 gotta go, work time ;) xx_

_~ B_

He didn't reply as I settled in and continued on my sketch, answering the phone when necessary and it was only shortly after that I was 10.30 and Jasper gave me the signal that it was okay to leave. Once inside my apartment I sat on the counter of the kitchen waiting for Edwards call and once it was 11:15 I had no choice but to have a shower as not to be late for Alice, setting my phone on loud in case he rang I had a quick shower before rushing into the closet and pulling out my spot mesh dress and some military boots, blow drying my hair and apply fresh make up. Rushing to find my glomesh chain bag and throwing in my i.d, some lip gloss and cash. Before the door bell went, checking my phone it was a few minutes before 12 which was odd for Alice to be this late, the knocking more constant as it had been a few minutes since it began, "Hello" a voice shouted from the other side of the door, it was muffled but I knew it was definitely not Alice, swinging the door open coming face to face with…Edward.

A slow devious smile spread across his face before I launched myself at him, with him holding me up as I wrapped my legs around him, throwing my arms around his neck, peppering him with kisses with my words jumbled and making no sense at all, he lead us in to my apartment and placed me on the kitchen counter, still grasping my thighs as we continued to bite, suck and lick at any exposed skin on each other

"I missed you" he spoke between kisses

"you too, what are you doing here" I exhaled into the skin of his neck

"I started to head back this morning, I had my flight booked yesterday and then today there were some delays I wanted it to be a surprise" he chuckled pulling my face up so our eyes met

"You look really beautiful" he spoke softly and I blushed instantly as his grasped tightened on my thighs, and we leant our foreheads together as my hand reached forward to caress his jaw

The ringing doorbell brought me out of my thoughts. "Hello?" Alice shouted from the other side, I groaned at the interruption, she opened the door and let herself in. noticing Edward and I on the counter she smirked and puckered her lips

"I see you're a little pre occupied?"

"Slightly yes" I responded as Edward leant into me more and chuckled

"Are you ready to go" she asked, and I pouted not wanting to go any more

"baby, you can go just get a taxi to mine once your finished there and I'll wait up for you" , Alice nodded in agreement which made me want to strangle her, clearly I wasn't interested in going but I agreed which both pleased Alice and Edward. Jumping down from the counter and grabbing my bag from my bed before leading out of the apartment and locking the door and walking down onto the street, as Alice hailed a taxi I turned to Edward

I'll be at yours sometime after 1, I won't be there long I promise" he held my hands before speaking

"Bella it's fine you can stay out later then that"

"I just want to be with you, that's all" I smiled nervously

"Come back to me in one piece then, call me if you need me okay" I nodded at this leaning into kiss him quickly before getting in the cab with Alice. Fifteen minutes later the cab pulled up, stepping out, walking into the house to be pressed into a crowded space, I leant into Alice before shouting over the music to her

"whose party is this?" I mimicked to the bodies pressed together and the girls making fools of themselves

"it's nick's party from the bar you know him" she called out to me, nick who the eff is nick? We arrived at the kitchen as Alice pulled a bottle of vodka from her bag which made my eyes bug out, who carries a bottle of vodka in their bag? Someone was calling her name and at the same time we both turned around she squealed and hugged the person in front of her blocking them from my view, she stepped back and came up to me

"Nick this is Bella, you two remember each other right?" she asked with a slight smile, I finally glanced at his face realising who he actually was, as a hand gripped his shoulder before speaking and then directing himself to me

"oh Bella yes, I remember!" nick spoke stepping forward to hug me before I side stepped and noted the person next to him, alexe stood there with dark eyes filled with a glaze that only happened from intoxication, I gulped. Wondering why Alice would think I would be comfortable being here. I stepped back which pressed me against the counter glancing at the three faces in front of me all of them confused at my reaction

"Bella?" Alice asked me grabbing my hand before I snatched it back from her

"Good to see you Bella" alexe spoke his voice filled with humour and lust as he personally eye fucked me

"you disgust me" I spat at him before pushing my way out of the kitchen and down the hallway and out back on to the street slamming the door behind me and breathing deeply once outside, pressing my hands on my knees trying to slow my breathing as not to have a panic attack out the front of such a busy house let alone and chaotic street, pulling my phone out of my bag with unstable hands dialling Edwards number, with heavy breaths praying he would answer.

"Edward" I sobbed into the phone, barely hearing his response as my heartbeat filled my ear drums, making out the words 'where are you' before I gave the street name and the number house I was at, begging him to stay on the phone to me and just not to hang up, I was on my knees feeling the gravel protrude into my knee caps clutching my chest to calm down as Edwards muffled words continued, I felt a hand on my arm before I jumped dropping my phone onto the pavement

"Bella, why'd you leave so fast? Come back up it's fun in there" Alexe indicated to the house with his head, still keeping his hand on my arm as it tightened and I winced

"No" I spat out between sobs gripping his hand and scratching to get him to release which caused him to tighten

"Really Bella your being a little melodramatic don't you think?, come on" he said as he begin to pull me up by my arm as I used my weight to stay on the ground before being yanked up, I kept up my reluctance as I saw car lights shortly up ahead before the car slammed on it's breaks and I saw a figure jump out and rush towards me and between my tears I could see Edwards form as he pulled me from Alexe helping me into the taxi slowly and closing the door before he turned back to Alexe, I couldn't hear a thing between the cars radio, my heartbeat and small whimpers I just stared out the window in time to see Alexe's figure drop before Edward clutched his knuckles and walk around the other side of the car and sliding in pulling me onto his lap and whispering things into my ear, kissing my temple and running his hands up my arms, closing my eyes and before long being a woken to Edward

"We're home baby, it's okay I'll fix this" he reassured me, and I knew for sure that he would.


	18. Such great heights

Sorry it's been so long! I've been in hospital 5 times since I last posted that's how sick I was and I'm still not better and exams start soon! I'm worried really worried.

I needed something, anything just to distract me. I lazily climbed out of Edwards bed, struggling to get his arms to release me, with a deep breath I walked into the bathroom and rummaged through my purse to find a hair tie, pulling my hair in to a messy bun and washing my face quickly, gargling some mouth wash, spitting it out then heading to the kitchen to find a sink full of dishes which Edward obviously have left since before he headed home last week. Brilliant distraction. Turning on the faucet and feeling the sink with soap suds and plunging in elbows deep, scrubbing and humming away and completely lost in my own world.

Footsteps coming down the hallway brought me out of my trance. Turning back to the task at hand and trying to focus on the humming. Sliding the plate into the dish rack, letting the soap suds run off it and trying to ignore the fact I could feel Edwards eyes on me and he was probably going to step a little closer and throw my focus completely out

"Bella…I…"

Turning around slowly, meeting his eyes and as soon as I did, I could see the sadness in them and desperation and everything else escaped me. I didn't want to look at sadness

"About last night…are you alright?"

I shook my head at his question and I could feel him step a little closer to me this time

"Have you spoken to Alice yet?"

I shook my head and this time he was closer to me,so close I could feel the hairs on my neck come to a stand.

"Do you want to speak to her?"

I shrugged my shoulders, and felt him pressed up against me

"I'm here" he said softly, I nodded my head, letting him know that I understood him fully, but just now I wasn't all there enough to talk. I couldn't look at him just yet I knew I would see more sadness and I was desperately hanging on, he was so close. The heat coming off of him, leaning back into him and my body was begging me to just turn around and face him

"Bella," he whispered into the back of my neck, his breath on my neck making my tingle and lean further into him. His hands circled my waist as he pulled me into him, his lips grazing the crook of my neck placing soft kisses further along

"I need you" I spoke quietly bowing my head down, still not willing to give him eye contact

his warm mouth breathing softly on my neck. His grip around my waist tightened and he spun me around quickly to look at him, just inches away from him now. My eyes searched his face and he reached his hand up to lightly let his fingers linger on my bottom lip, I allowed my tongue to flick out and trace it lightly which caused a soft throaty moan from him. Picking me up from the waist, placing me on to the cool countertop, with his eyes glued to my bottom lip. He wedged himself carefully between my opening legs and slowly dragged his hands from my waist to my thighs and back up again before meeting the swell of my breast and allowing his thumb to graze over slightly causing me to moan and him to groan. He hadn't said anything and when my hands wrapped around his neck and I pulled him even further into me, "tell me you need me too, that it's not just me" I spoke slightly panicked

The tip of his tongue grazed my bottom lip before he slightly bit down.

"I need you too", forcefully our lips crashed together as I fisted his shirt dragging him impossibly closer to me still. This is exactly what I needed.

The way I could feel him, pressed up tight against me, with his hands pulling my hips closer as we clawed away at each other forcefully, he wanted it. My body was pulsing and the electricity between us ignited, each time he came into contact with skin I shivered with something I never felt before. Dragging me closer until I was flush against him I wrapped my legs around his waist, it was a ferocious war we were playing at, and we kept being dragged under by each other, lust shown throw soft lips and want shown through biting and sucking on flesh. When his tongue met mine, it was a whole new level he tasted of cigarettes and mouth wash and just…Edward and I loved every part of it. I was pressed tightly against him as he cupped my ass holding me steady which effortlessly pulled me closer to his very prominent hard on causing me to moan as the electricity took over my body, his lips covering every inch of my neck and sucking my lobe into his mouth before pressing slightly down with his teeth and moving to the crook of my neck where he suck on skin and the feeling was euphoric

"Oh god Edward" I moaned loudly.

One of his hands ran along the side of my jaw the other helped me to stay pinned up to the wall next to his fridge, the tip of his tongue tracing my bottom lip. "Keep going Edward. Don't stop" I begged him

"I won't" he whispered with his hot breath on my ear "your so fucking beautiful, I want you so badly, do you feel how much I want you" he spoke pushing himself harder into my core which made me cry out in pleasure

"Show me you mean it, that you want me" I demanded, grounding myself harder into him knowing well of the effects I was having on his body. He pushed my shirt and I hooked my heels around his waist dragging his boxers down in the process and feeling his skin push against the thin fabric of my panties, before he practically tore them off me.

"Fuck" he hissed as he cupped me. "Tell me this is me that makes you feel this wet"

"It's you Edward, only you" I whimpered back "I always want you"

His mouth was on mine with such urgency and fierceness it only turned me on more, the deeper the kiss went the more passionate we became, clawing at each other, knowing we were leaving marks on one another. My fingers brushed against his marbled skin, as he leaned his forehead with mine

"My skin is on fire, I want to touch you everywhere" he whispered

I leaned forward and let my tongue trace the outline of the sparrow tattoo that wrapped around his neck, he moaned in appreciation, as I felt his hand teasing me. I leant my head back on the wall as the tip of his tongue made contact on my nipple, lighting before he bit down causing me to cry out in the most pleasurable pain imaginable. His other hand ran up and down my other breast occasionally sweeping past my ass before his hands were placed on my waist

"Oh god, I can't take much more Edward, I need you." I moaned loudly barely audible. A low moan rose from his chest before his hold on me increased gently and he lifted me slightly more. Before his hands cradled my face, his left thumb brushing my bottom lip. As he once again leaned in to kiss me, his hardness pushed up against me. Our tongues swirling together trying to die out our moans for each other. He pulled back suddenly and his hot breath was on my neck as he left open mouth kisses there "You are so beautiful."

He positioned himself in front of me and slowly eased him self into me before he was fully in and we both moaned in appreciation, I felt so full. I gripped his ass dragging him to be tighter on to my body if it was even physically possible the sensation was overwhelming, his hand reaching behind my leg to elevate it slightly giving him a deeper angle as my heel was positioned on his hip

"You feel so tight baby" he grunted as he kept his eyes on mine, which in turn caused mine to roll back slightly

"You like that?" he asked intently. His tempo rose and the only thing you can hear was our heavy breathing and skin on skin as we worked perfectly together. His face planted in the crook of my neck as I moaned and he bit down slightly on my collar bone causing me to cry out more as he took in every piece of me

"Your cock feels amazing" I said through a whimper, I laced my fingers lazily through his hair before bringing him back to my mouth, biting down on his tongue and earning a hard slam because of it. He drove himself in to me even harder gripping me tightly as he continued.

"mmm don't stop" I moaned

"Never" he spoke capturing my mouth again, swivelling his hips stirring something even more powerful inside me

"Oh God… Edward" I cried out. My orgasm took over and I felt myself contract around Edward as I felt his release to as he cried in passion and my head lulled back in the pleasure I was feeling. He lazily rested his head on my shoulder with my legs wrapped around him slowly dropping and our breathing returning to normal

"That was.." he spoke dragging out his words

"Amazing" I finished for him as his lips descended on mine slowly bringing in my bottom lip and nibbling on it for a moment. I rested my hands on his chest and I could feel his heart beat slowly. He picked me back up in his arms and I wrapped my legs entirely around him as he carried me back through the house to the bathroom as he seated me on the vanity. He leaned into me, kissing me softly before pulling away as I sighed from being content. Edward leant down and filled the bath with water, and as the bathroom filled up with steam and I climbed into the water, I smiled brightly as I felt Edward situated behind me with his hands tracing my spine and his kisses on my shoulder, I felt comfortable as I rested my head on my knees and we spoke nonsense to each other and allowed the silence to fill the room as he moved the wash cloth over my aches.


	19. Someone like you

_I can't escape from the feeling that I am somehow becoming less and less of a person since I've moved here. Of course physically I still qualify, my body covered in words, art and metal. I'm still in full possessions of organs, bones and a heart however brittle they all may be. But it's as if I avoid sleep without __Edward next to me as though I've come to rely on the warmth of his body and with each unconscious moment passing by without him it's as though I'm frantically thrashing against the invisible restraints every dream features, I am letting little bits of myself shake off silently in to the night. It's as if with every step I take both figuratively and literally I am getting further and further away from grounding, stretching the bond of when I am with him and without him as though I'm at breaking point. And with Alice it's as if with every word I swallow because I don't have the energy to say it I am sacrificing sections of my brain, derived of power and inspiration and left to decompose when I speak to her however rarely that is now. The steady decline of our friendship is dragging me through. Waking in Edward's room to sneak out on to the balcony with chipped paint railings and coffee mugs scattered on the table from our early morning discussions on life and living. I suddenly feel the air shift and I know Edwards near me._

_Wrapping his arm around my waist and pressing his face against my hair and inhaling then as he exhales I feel a chaste kiss on my pulse point before he walks up to the rickety iron chair that sits alone and unoccupied. Without even looking up he passes me a lit cigarette and clasps my hand bringing me down on to his lap where I curl myself around him as we sit silently for some time before he speaks _

"you need to speak to Alice, you and I both know that" he had obviously been waiting to say this to me at a time when I had some time to calm down and process the last few days. Neither of us said a word but the air around us grew heavy with subtly communicated thoughts

"I'll ask her around to my apartment today to talk, will you come over straight after it though?" I asked feeling slightly nervous that he has come to realize just how much I rely on him and if he thinks it's as stupid as I do.

I took his cigarette, inhaling before he spoke

"of course, I'll be around as soon as you need me baby" he whispered clutching a coffee cup in his hand before resting his other on my upper thigh lazily running his fingers in a pattern that was slowly distracting me.

_"I liked last night" __Edward commented after some time, I scoffed nothing but sex was the good thing about last night_

_"Why?" I asked, he gripped slightly harder on my hips, before bucking which caused me to moan slightly_

_"I liked your soft skin pressed against me as my fingers traced your spine, the way you never tired of me, how you gripped on to me as though you didn't want me to leave, when we were finished you wrapped yourself around me…and I really liked that you were up for round two" he finished with a chuckle, I lightly mock slapped his chest _

_"I liked that I could taste tobacco and mint on your breath and how warm your hands were, how you tilted my chin to meet your eyes, how you called me beautiful more than once and I could tell it wasn't forced that you truly believe I'm beautiful and I really liked your cocky attitude especially in round two and three"_

_Edward lifted me up, wrapping my legs around him I was lead back in to the bedroom where round four proceeded._

_I'd already messaged Alice asking her to come to my apartment I was currently sitting on my kitchen counter, it was so cold outside and inside wasn't much better I could barely get my heating to work I was in thermal leggings and an oversized knitted jumper with my hair thrown up in to a bun with my reading glasses on. There was a soft knock on the door before I called her in, she walked in with a determined look on her face as though she was looking for battle rather than looking for a solution. I hoped this wasn't going to be nasty._

_"hi" I said meekly closing the catalogue I was flicking through but keeping my spot on the counter watching as she put her bag down and sat on the couch arm, crossing her arms with a strong jaw she spoke_

_"it was good to hear from you" she was so cut off, so hard rather then the soft but strong Alice I'm used to_

_"mmhmm, I wanted to sort out why you would think it would be okay to take me to that party, 1. Knowing I wouldn't want to go to a friend of someone whose drugged me, to their house and 2. why you wanted tell me before I was confronted and 3. Why you didn't come check on me when I ran out? Did you know he came after me? That Edward and him got in to a fight whilst I sat in a taxi crying like a girl" I spat the last word_

_"It wasn't a major thing, it was a party drug not a date rape drug don't be dramatic Isabella. I thought you'd be over it by the time we got to the party and if not I thought you'd be mature enough to stay at the party for an hour instead of acting up, I didn't come after you because when Alexe came back in he said you went with some guy I figured Edward had you, again." She spoke as if I disgusted her_

_"A major thing? Are you fucking kidding me right now. No matter what drug he gave me it wasn't by choice so if I want to be dramatic I can be fucking dramatic. Mature? Talking about mature maybe you could step up to the plate and take on that role."_

_"I'm sorry" she whispered_

_"it's too late for that, I was wanting that when you walked in before you acted like a self righteous bitch making it seem like I was the bad friend, I'__m far too tired for this bullshit. Come talk to me when you know what a real apology is" I spoke with dismissal forcing the words out. Grabbing her bag she walked to the door only looking back with sad small and watered eyes before she closed the door with a click._

_ I wiped the silent tears from my face before grabbing my phone and slipped shoes on and heading to the store, I don't give a fuck if I rely on him I needed to just rant and not be pent up, Alice made me feel insecure with her stupid fucking words. Slipping into the store seeing it was rather chaotic signaling to jasper before grabbing a sketch book and sitting behind the counter waiting for Edward to have a spare moment between clients. I wasn't paying attention to the drawing I knew I was becoming frantic and it was best if I probably just left instead._

_Walking up to jasper in the backroom as he restocked the shelves_

_"Jasper, can you just let Edward know I was here but I'm leaving now" I spoke quietly realizing how exhausted I felt_

_"You alright, B?" he asked genuinely concerned, I pursed my lips and shook my head before he wrapped his arms around me and just holding me. After a few minutes the door banged open, Jasper released his arms around me and I whirled around to meet Edwards fire fueled eyes, I could tell he was going to say something he was so tense as though anger filled each muscle until he met my eyes and under his breathed whispered 'fuck' before he came over hands on either side of my face scanning as though checking for any signs of physical damage after finding nothing he finally spoke_

_"What happened baby" Edward asked, as I looked over his shoulder to see jasper slip out the door_

_"She was horrible, absolutely horrible, I couldn't believe the things she said to me. As though she was accusing me that it was my fault, I just need to rant because she made me feel like shit about myself so just let me rant to you and don't judge me for it, just accept my crazy for the next few minutes"_

_"Okay baby" Edward nodded meekly _

_"I build up and crash down, I think too much or not at all. My stomach wants it out because my brain never wanted anything, no matter what I do I always feel wrong. Cigarettes and coffee makes me sick, green tea and cereal make me sick, water and nothing make me sick, everything makes me sick. I'm sorry. I go from wild and giggling to exhausted and introverted. I can't be the good one for a long time, I haven't enough energy. Lack of sleep without you and shitty nutrition and lack of motivation I just cannot do it. I'm so fucking sorry that I'm not more, it's killing me that I'm not more. When I was there with her biting my lip trying not to cry in front of her, she was making it sound as though how much I wanted you was vial and all I could think of was how much I wanted you was rushed and too fast. My biggest fear is going too fast and we're on fast forward on every fucking thing and I'm sorry but everything you do makes me feel good I don't feel broken when I'm with you, I'm too young for this shit. With every word it became more unbearable, she kept going and god I just wanted you. I miss being innocent, I'm aware with with Alice I can fix it with all this time but god, I was sitting there and I still wanted you I didn't want to hear any more words. It's just, I really fucking wished someone cared. I wished someone was here. I wish someone still gave me something to believe in. I'm falling and I'm scared because this time there is absolutely nothing and no one to save me. I tried so hard and I still failed. I never knew anything could hurt as much as being hopeless. And you, you make me feel so good and you fix everything and I've known you for weeks and I feel like I'm losing my mind." I rushed out my words without giving Edward time to respond, using my hands to emphasize that I most likely am crazy as he looked on blankly and just before he spoke I was this close to a meltdown from being embarrassed_

_"We're a challenge. You're fascinating, occasionally maddening. But you're not afraid of life, and although you're slightly crazy, I love you and I know it's sudden but I do, I've never any woman before you, but I love you with every part of me and It drives me insane how frantic you make me feel, how alive and how every part of me wants to protect you, I love you." He wrapped his arms around my waist bringing my closer silence filled the room for a long time_

_"I love you too with everything that's insane about" I got out just before he crashed his lips with mine, molding his form to mine._


End file.
